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Division 2 — Notes by the Way




Chapter 17


"Therefore, leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God."


"Soul! now know thy full salvation;
Rise o'er sin, and fear, and, care;
Joy to know in every station
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father's smiles are thine;
Think that Jesus died to win thee;
Child of heaven! caust thou repine?

"Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Arm'd by faith, and wing'd by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall lead thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall end thy pilgrim days;
Hope shall end in full fruition,
Faith in sight, and prayer in praise."

But little progress, comparatively, was gained by her almost unceasing efforts to advance in the heavenly way, until the successful endeavor, just glanced at, was made; from that period, through the omnipotence of faith, she gained daily victories over the world, the flesh, and Satan.

One of the most signal victories obtained immediately subsequent to the experience just stated was at a meeting for social worship. A few disciples, whom grace had empowered to testify in experimental verity of Christ as a full Savior, had given testimony to that effect. A view of the impartiality of God in dispensing his favors flashed across her mind with such power, that her heart exclaimed with Peter, "Of a truth, I perceive that God is no respecter of persons."

At once she began to reflect thus: If I am but willing to make use of the same means, for the attainment of the same state of grace which these friends profess, God will surely give it to me. She then formed the resolve that she would make use of every possible means for the attainment of the blessing. In doing this she felt the sacred responsibility of having lifted her hand to God, and immediately, on an opportunity offering, she proved the sincerity of her heart by acting correspondingly.

In making a frank statement of the views and intention that had just been influencing her mind, she felt that a snare was at once broken which had bound her for years. The duty of making confession with the mouth had stood before her of all duties the most formidable; but she now formed the resolution, that if she should literally die in the struggle to overcome nature, she would be a martyr in the effort, rather than that Satan should triumph.

A victory that told advantageously on all the subsequent pilgrimage of life was here gained, and the progressive steps were now rapidly taken by which she was led into the King's highway.

Aware of the proneness of the heart to forget the admonition divinely enjoined, "Thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God hath led thee . . . in the wilderness, to humble thee and prove thee," she resolved from that time to be more diligent in noting down, for future remembrance, the Spirit's gracious leadings, some of which stand briefly recorded as follows

Feb. 23, 18 — . For some days past my soul has been longing after God; I have been waiting at Jerusalem for the promise of the Father; blessed be God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, that my waiting has not been in vain; my faith has been as the dawning of the morning, clearer and yet clearer; and now the calm sunshine of God's presence illuminates my soul.

The precious words, "whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature," were applied to my soul with much power this evening. Yes, I saw such comprehensiveness and depth of meaning in them, as I had never before apprehended. What! am I to be made a partaker of the divine nature! Shout, O heavens! be glad, O earth!

And shall I indeed, even I, who have been so fearful and unbelieving, be yet able to comprehend, with all saints, what is the length, breadth, depth, and height of the love of Christ? Shall I know the perfect love of God which passeth knowledge, and be filled with the fullness of God?

Yes! I shall be changed from glory to glory, until I shall be made like unto his own glorious image. Glorious hope! The faith of assurance tells me it shall be so.

I never before felt so truly as though all in Christ were mine. He who withheld not his own Son, will not withhold any good thing from me. Henceforth, O Lord, I covenant afresh, to devote all my powers more decidedly than ever to thy reasonable service. Wilt thou accept the offering, O my Savior and my Redeemer? If so, O let me feel from this moment that the sacrifice is received. O that to me the power were given, not to live one moment longer to myself! May my all, consecrated to thee from this hour, in the strictest sense, glorify thee!

I would that the time past should suffice, in which I have been so ungrateful as not to render thee a whole-hearted service. Praised be the Lord, my strength and righteousness, that he has honored me of late, by permitting me to bear his hallowed cross. I will now, through grace, choose it as cause of my greatest glorying. Lord, strengthen me: I am weak, but thou art everlasting strength, and thou art my portion.

Feb. 24. I have often felt as though God had called me peculiarly to a life of holiness. I have also felt that in order to be led in this way, the path of self-denial must be mine. Well, thanks be to God that he has given me, in a gracious degree, a disposition to walk in the way of his appointment. From the depth of my heart I can say, through grace, that I have deliberately chosen to walk in the more excellent way, even though the highway to it may be by passing through trials most contrary to nature. I know that my heavenly Father loves me. He will not require me to do anything but what will be eventually for my good and the glory of his great name. And is it not my greatest desire that his name should be glorified? Then let me not shun the cross. If, by following the motions of his Spirit, I can win souls to Christ, and thus lay up treasure in heaven, shall motives of mere worldly prudence, unsanctioned by grace, deter me? Shall I lean to my own understanding, when he has declared that the wisdom of this world is foolishness with him? Rather let me tread onward in the footsteps of Him who was a "man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief."

Feb. 27. Glory be to God that I have this day been enabled to resolve to follow the faith of Abraham, who, against hope, believed in hope. I now repose in the promises of the unchangeable Jehovah, believing that what he has promised he is fully able to perform. His promises are all yea and amen in Christ Jesus. O may I never rest till I have the witness of the Spirit, that my heart is the temple of an indwelling God, and have the full confidence that Christ reigns supreme on the throne of my affections, bringing every thought into obedience to himself.

This is the blessing which I fully believe God has in reserve for me; "for this my cry shall never cease." For several days past the eye of my faith has been so intensely fixed on this point, that almost every breath has been a breathing after it. O Lord, make me holy! establish fully with me the new covenant. Thou hast said, "I will sprinkle you with clean water, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness and from all your idols will I cleanse you."

I feel that I have been greatly deficient, and have lost inconceivably, by not exercising that faith which takes God at his word; that faith which is apprehended in the simple illustration, "God hath said it, and I believe it." When looked at in this light, O, how exceedingly sinful does unbelief appear! Doubt the veracity of the immutable Jehovah! Shall I, a worm of earth, dare doubt the word of the omnipotent God? Shall I look upward and ask the fulfillment of a promise, with a feeling of hesitation whether God will fulfill his word? Spirit of eternal truth, forbid it. Lord Jesus, make me strong in faith.

June 17. I have of late been enabled, by the help of the Spirit, to improve in experience, and I have found it good to appeal to Him who can be touched with the feelings of my infirmities. He knows the strength and sincerity of my desires to serve him fully. I have been pleading the promise, "They shall all be taught of God." I triumph in the expectation that I shall be enabled, through the Spirit's influence, to perfect holiness in the fear of God.

I have placed the standard of Christian excellence high, and have asked strength of Omnipotence to be enabled to reach the summit of my desires. "My heart is fixed! O, God, my heart is fixed!" and, though the opposition of a perverse will, the infirmities of nature, or crosses indescribably varied, may oppose, my progress, I trust, will yet, through grace, be onward and upward. I long to be made a monument of what the grace of God can effect on a once rebellious child of Adam. O! this, I am sure, is a holy ambition, and authorized by Scripture. I have been enabled to spend much time in secret prayer this week, and I feel that I have received a new degree of strength for the holy effort; but O, how little to what I might have received, had my faith been more active and persevering! Lord, increase my faith, and enable me ever to go on from strength to strength.

June 18. Of late I have increasingly felt the importance of time. In view of an eternal state of existence, and the short space allotted for its vast concernments, I do indeed feel the force of the admonition, "What thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might."


"Short is our longest day of life,
And soon its prospect ends;
Yet on this day's uncertain date
Eternity depends.

"Yet equal to our being's aim,
The space to mortals given;
And every moment, well improved,
Secures an age in heaven!"

How important, then, that every eternity-winged moment should bear to the abodes of immortality just such a report as may best bear a reviewal in the clear light of eternity. I have thought that some rules for the regulation of my time, and the distribution of my duties, might be helpful. I will endeavor to rise at four: spend from four to six in reading the Scriptures, and other devotional exercise: half an hour for closet duties at midday. I will resolve, at this season, to bear in special remembrance those who have said, "Pray for me," not forgetting the exhortation, I Tim. ii, 1. If practicable I will get an hour to spend with God at the close of the day. In order to keep a continuous and comprehensive arrangement of Bible truth before my mind, I will resolve to pursue a systematic course of reading. I purpose to read, in proper connection, in the Old Testament in the morning; in the Gospels at noon, and in the Epistles in the evening. This I will endeavor to do, with the most careful circumspection, inasmuch as God hath said, "Search the Scriptures; " "Study to show thyself approved.".

If I meet with portions which I cannot readily comprehend, I will, through grace, seek diligently and go confidently unto Him who hath said, "I will instruct thee," believing it is his will that I should learn some special lesson of grace from every portion of his word, whether historical or from those parts deemed more practical.

Resolved that the young persons in my Bible class shall be daily remembered in my stated approaches unto God. I would also here most solemnly register my purpose that I will, in the strength of the Lord, endeavor to take up every cross, and, through grace, never shun it, when convinced of duty, but take it up in the name of the Lord, and trust him for the consequences; also that the attainment of a clear Scriptural faith shall be most prominent in my petitions before the Lord. This I regard as a fundamental principle in a life of devotion. Each morning shall also witness a renewed dedication of all my redeemed powers to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; still further resolved, I will unceasingly aim at entire devotion of heart and life to God. The Lord help me in the performance of these resolutions.

June 24. In consequence of ill health I have not been able to observe all the resolutions in my last; an alteration in domestic arrangements has also, in a measure, frustrated my purposes; I regret that I do not, with greater equanimity of feeling, bear the thwarting of my purposes. O, how much I need establishing grace! I know — O! yes, I feel that it is, in all its richest plenitude, for me; and yet I live without it. O! when shall my heart be circumcised to love the Lord my God with all my heart?

July 27. The Lord reigns unrivaled in my heart; he has my supreme affections: for some days past I have experienced such a heartfelt want of the assurance of being cleansed from all unrighteousness, to know that the motives influencing every thought, word, and action, originate from a pure fountain, that I last evening resolved I could no longer do without it. Between the hours of eight and nine — while pleading at the throne of grace for a present fulfillment of the exceeding great and precious promises; pleading also the fullness and freeness of the atonement, its unbounded efficacy, and making an entire surrender of body, soul, and spirit; time, talents, and influence; and also of the dearest ties of nature, my beloved husband and child; in a word, my earthly all — I received the assurance that God the Father, through the atoning Lamb, accepted the sacrifice; my heart was emptied of self, and cleansed of all idols, from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and I realized that I dwelt in God, and felt that he had become the portion of my soul, my ALL in ALL.

Since which, though I have been exercised by many temptations to question the extent of the work, yet, blessed be God, they have been but temptations. The Spirit of the Lord hath raised up a standard against Satan, and I rejoice in the assurance that more are they that are for me than all that be against me.

My faith in the reality of the work grows stronger; I feel that, instead of its being presumptuous to believe, it would greatly grieve the Spirit of my condescending Savior were I to doubt the all-sufficiency of his grace to sustain me in the full enjoyment of this blessing. Glory be to the Father! glory be to the Son! glory be to the Holy Spirit! my Triune God! my all in all.

As my heart has been of late much drawn out after God in the night season, for this inestimable blessing, even when my bodily powers have been under the influence of sleep, my expectations were much raised last night, and almost my last thoughts, ere I gave myself to sleep, were, that the Lord would manifest himself much more gloriously. What was my surprise, on awaking, in a most frightful dream! I thought I was standing in the back room, when a loud knock was given at the door: from the unseasonablness of the hour, (being about eleven,) and the knowledge that all the inlets of the house had been some time previously secured, I knew that something must be wrong; but aware that I was equally in the power of the intruder whether I said, "Come in," or otherwise; I firmly said, "Come in;" when a personage, of more ferocious countenance and more fiend-like in every particular than anything I had ever witnessed, came in. "Is the — in?" he demanded, in a very authoritative tone. "He is in the front room, on the sofa," I replied, thinking that, as he passed through the folding doors, I could run behind him and give the alarm to the house, ere any injury had happened my dear husband. In the effort to scream for assistance, I awoke.

It was suggested, "You were expecting some unusual manifestation for the further establishment of your faith, and yet where is even your usual tranquillity and breathing after God? Is this not enough to convince you that you were mistaken in the exercises of last evening?" There was something so taunting and fiendish in the whole matter, that I was sure it must be Satan, and as I had resolved that I would not parley with him one moment, aware that I had no power nor wisdom to contend with an enemy so exceedingly subtle, I gave the whole matter over into the care of my covenant-keeping God, and again sunk sweetly to repose in the arms of Almighty Love.

About an hour or two afterward, I again awoke: but, O! the change — I was aroused by an inward voice, saying, "Behold! I, an angel, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation whereunto ye are called." "An angel! an angel !" said I, aware that it was not the exact phraseology of Scripture. With these words I awoke, and, O, how my soul did exult in Christ as my full, my complete Savior! I was reminded of the blessed Savior's temptation in the wilderness; also of the angels that afterward came and ministered unto him. The witness was now given, with indisputable clearness, that I had not believed in vain; the full tide of joy flowed into my soul.

My beloved husband, who had been some months past in the enjoyment of this blessing, came in just after I had risen from my knees, returning thanks for the manifestation just received. He had been from home on professional business, since the evening previous, and had not heard of the manner in which God had blessed me; and when I related to him the exercises of the preceding evening, the way in which Satan had tried to disturb my peace, and the manifestation just received, he rejoiced with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. Amazing condescension! I cannot find words to express my views of the blessedness of this great salvation.

July 31. Still the Lord is with me: my contests have been severe with the powers of darkness; but the Lord my Redeemer hath strengthened me, and I have more than conquered; I have obtained a much greater increase of faith, and the Lord has, in much mercy, established my goings beyond my expectations; I feel that he is hourly establishing his kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost, more firmly in my heart.

Yesterday and today the hand of the enemy has been, in a great measure, stayed, and the Comforter has said to my soul, -


"Israel now shall dwell alone, With Jesus in bis heart."

Glorious hope! O how my soul exults in it!

As the duties of the Sabbath have of late been rather arduous, I had been led, from this and other considerations, to think that temptations would abound, and I earnestly entreated God for strength to resist; but, O, how delightfully did I realize that my enemies were all gone! Never before did I so fully enjoy the presence of an indwelling God: since which my heritage has been the deep, solid peace of a calm, composed spirit, resting in the embrace of Infinite Love. The breathing of my soul is, " The will of the Lord be done." Do with me as seemeth thee good. Make me useful. Place me in circumstances as may best suit the purposes of thy grace for the attainment of this object. Only let me labor in thy vineyard, and choose thou the time and place.

I would gratefully record the blessing of God on an endeavor for the conversion of a soul last week — Miss B____. I went, by the request of our pastor, to visit her sister, who had experienced religion at the altar the day but one previous. Both Mrs. B____ and her sister were strangers to me; but after having received a satisfactory account from Mrs. B____ of her conversion, I turned to her sister and asked if she did not desire a like blessing.

"I do not know that I ever felt the need of it," she replied, in a very repulsive manner, and doubtless with the expectation of eluding all further attempts. Aware of the intention of her repulsive remarks and manner, and assured that she had been guilty of the awful sin of lying against the Holy Ghost, a holy boldness seemed to seize me, and, with yearning of heart, I began to set before her the awful nature of the sin she had just committed, by denying the work of the Spirit. "What," said I, "never felt yourself a sinner, in need of a Savior, when God hath said, that there is a light that enlighteneth every one that cometh into the world? It cannot be!" I felt that I was assisted by a power beyond myself, while endeavoring to persuade and warn her to flee the wrath to come.

It was thus I endeavored to sow the seed, and left the event with God. The next evening she went forward for the prayers of God's children, and last night she was brought most clearly into the light of his countenance. O my soul, magnify the Lord! My heart needed encouragement of this kind, in order to nerve it more firmly for future effort.

August 2. By faith ye stand. This is hourly verified in my experience; for were it by positive demonstration from any of the grosser senses, the eye of faith had ere this been closed, and my soul left in a state of darkness to be felt.

O! shall I ever lose this blessing which I have lately gained, and which I still by faith retain? this blessing for which I have so long struggled? My heart recoils at the thought yes, and my nature too, for it also partook of the living intensity with which it was sought. Blessed be God for ever, I feel that I need not lose it. My heavenly Father will not take it from me. He knows I could not answer the purpose for which his Son left his bosom in my behalf, without it.

That the enemy of all righteousness contends with me, is not matter of surprise. It would be were it otherwise. But O ! how much I need to be filled with the knowledge of the will of God, with all wisdom and spiritual understanding, in order to be better able to withstand, and also to understand the wiles of my foe!

I feel that I do grow in the knowledge of my Savior, though not so fast as my expectations have led me to desire. But my sufficiency is of thee, O Lord. I am thine — set apart — yes, sanctified to thy service; so say the breathings of my soul to my adorable Jesus.

Last night, the Lord my Redeemer condescended to take of the things of God and reveal them to me.

The enemy had been very powerfully suggesting throughout the day, and indeed much of the time since I received the blessing has been spent in struggling against the temptation, that I believe just because I will believe.

This suggestion assumed more plausibility during our afternoon meeting than at any other time. The beloved friends that attend this meeting, who have heard me so frequently speak of late of my earnest desires for this blessing, were waiting to rejoice in my joy, but so entirely by faith on the naked promises was I called to rely, that, were it not that I was fearful Satan might have a victory, did I not speak, I should have said nothing. Every moment while I was endeavoring to give in my testimony, the suggestion was urged, that I believed merely because I would believe. I now praise, the Lord that he enabled me to bear up amid this tempest, and give — just as I resolved in defiance of Satan I would do, a simple narration of the manner in which God brought me into the enjoyment of this blessing.

When he found he could not drive me from my purpose of making confession, he continuously urged upon me, while speaking, that the cold matter-of-fact manner in which I made my statements, as if destitute of all feeling, would prevent the reception of my testimony. How well that I had previously counted the cost — resolved to believe God at all hazards! I went to the evening meeting. Our dear brother S_____ preached, but I scarcely heard a word. I had resolved to die ill the struggle to believe rather than to give up my confidence, and it seemed as if the matter had now come to a climax. I felt, after wrestling some time, that the Lord permitted me to come near the throne, and in much simplicity of heart, even as a little child to a tender parent, make known my grievances.

I said, O Lord, thou knowest that I would not believe merely because I will believe, without having a proper foundation for my faith. And now, in condescension to my constitutional infirmities, my proneness to reason, O give me this blessing in some such tangible form, that the enemy of my soul may never be successful with the temptation, that I believe merely because I will believe. Thou knowest that I would not believe, without a proper foundation for my faith; and now let me have this blessing in some such tangible form, that I may know the precise ground upon which I obtained, and also upon which I may retain it.

The answer came. New light burst upon my soul. The Holy Spirit took of the things of God, and revealed them unto me. It was by the unfolding of this passage to my understanding: "I beseech you, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable, which is your reasonable service."

I now saw that I had obtained this blessing, by laying all upon the altar. I had retained it, by still keeping all upon the altar, "a living sacrifice." So long as it remained there, I perceived that both the faithfulness and the justice of God stood pledged for its acceptance. While kept upon this altar, it must be cleansed from all unrighteousness, for the blood of Jesus cleanseth; not that it can or will, at some future period, ut cleanseth now, just when the offering is presented.

By this I saw that I could no more believe for the future moment, than I could breathe for the future, and perceived that I must be contented to live by the moment, and rely upon God to sustain me in spiritual existence just as confidently as for sustainment in natural existence. So long as the offering was kept upon the altar, I saw it to be not only a privilege, but a duty, to believe. I also saw that just so soon as I should begin to lean to my own understanding, feeling that I cannot do this or the other duty, just in the degree in which this is indulged in, the offering would be taken from off the altar, and I would have no right to believe the offering "holy and acceptable," inasmuch as it is not such an offering as God has declared acceptable by the voice of the written word.

The infinitely-efficacious blood was represented as ever flowing. And it is thus that the soul, laid upon the altar, is cleansed and kept clean.

O my soul, mayest thou ever remain upon the altar of sacrifice, and Thou, my strength and righteousness, forbid that any unhallowed act should ever cause its removal! It is by thy power alone, O God, that I am kept. Here shall I ever feel the cleansing efficacy. Here shall my soul fill and expand — fill and expand, till it shall burst its tenement, and faith shall be lost in sight.

August 6. My peace has not been so great yesterday and today. I see wherein I think I might have walked more carefully before God. I have lamented my short comings, and still feel that my all is upon the altar. I have resolved, through grace, to live in the most entire devotion to God. My inmost soul cries out, -

"None but Christ to me be given, None but Christ in earth or heaven."

Tomorrow, Providence permitting, I go to the grove, Hempstead Harbor, L. I. I have faith to believe that Jesus will go with me. My prayer is, "Unless thy presence go with me, send me not up." Lord, strengthen my own soul, and make me useful to others.

August 14. The Lord, my strength and righteousness, most gloriously answered the petition presented in that last written, even beyond my most enlarged expectations.


"He alone the work hath wrought."

Glory be to his name for ever. O how eminently near was the God of my salvation, while going to the grove, and through the whole progress of the meeting! I feel constrained to record to the glory of his grace, that he gave me a mouth to speak to others; to warn, entreat, and testify of his grace for the acceptance of all. He also gave me favor in the eyes of the people, and most truly did I experience that perfect love casteth out fear. I seemed to be borne quite above my natural timidity, my care being so fully cast upon Christ, the rock of my salvation.

I received a heartfelt assurance that the unction of the Holy One accompanied what I said to the hearts of others, and at times I was almost ready to stand still with amazement, and

"Wonder why such love to me;"

why the infinite God should so gloriously condescend to use an instrument so feeble. Well, it was all of grace; and I have thus without scarcely intending it (for I have surely been led in a way I knew not) assumed a character I ever wish to sustain — that of being zealous for the Lord of hosts. O! may my motto ever be, "Onward and upward," and God forbid that I should ever be less ardent in my course. My establishment in the blessing I have received has been more deep and thorough with the experience of each successive day. I have power continually to offer myself a living sacrifice, without any reserve, and feel that the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all unrighteousness.

In reference to my future course, I wish to lie passive in the hands of the Lord, as an instrument to perform his pleasure in all things. My will is lost in the will of God. I would not — dare not choose for myself though the choice were given. God is my all in all. I walk by faith, and am enabled to endure as seeing the Invisible, and my enjoyment consists in a calm, quiet resting on the promises of the gospel, assured that it is my Father's good pleasure to give me the kingdom. I feel at rest in the blessed persuasion, that if I, as a worker together with him, make use of the means ordained for my advancement thitherward, the point will be gained. I know that the Holy Spirit has been given, the Comforter has come! and has taken up his abiding residence in my heart — inciting me ceaselessly to every good word and work, and giving me a longing desire for the spiritual benefit of those around me — enabling me also to call upon God with a confidence heretofore unknown or unfelt, being assured that it is the principle of holy life within me, indicting my petitions and enabling me to exercise faith for the fulfillment of the promises. Glory be to the Triune God for such a salvation! I feel a holy ambition to lay up much treasure in heaven — to get near the throne.

One morning, during the progress of this meeting, I was blest in a very peculiar manner. I awoke about four o'clock, with an intense breathing after God. I felt assured by the manner in which my soul seemed to grasp a signal blessing that the Lord was about to seal me more fully his. My prayer was, Lord, seal me unto the day of redemption. There seemed to be a distinctiveness in the hallowed exercises of this season, that proclaimed the breathings of my heart to be the work of the Spirit, to a degree beyond any former occasion. For nearly two hours I remained under these peculiar influences, breathing forth in unutterable longings: "Lord, seal me, seal me unto the day of redemption." I was enabled to ask with such a degree of faith as to realize that I had the thing I desired of God. Though days have passed since, the assurance of the blessing then received has been increasing in stability. So sacred seemed the communion, so holy the covenant entered into between the everlasting God and the spirit that came forth from him, that I should be assimilated more and more to his own glorious image here, and be eventually reunited to him for ever, that I have not had one temptation to doubt. The work was so entirely of the Holy Spirit's operation on my heart, and such a sacred conviction of this possessed my mind, while passing through the exercises of that memorable morning, that even the tempter has been silent in this matter. Well may I sing, -


"My hope is fell, O glorious hope Of immortality."

This was on Thursday, August the 10th. Surely it was a period to be remembered in the annals of eternity. Much of the day was spent in laboring for and with souls — persuading professors to the duty of deciding for God entirely, and encouraging them to enter by faith into the enjoyment of their already purchased inheritance.

I was also much engaged with some who were seeking to know a pardoning God. An interview with one of this description, a Mr._____ will long be remembered with peculiar pleasure. Such a genuine inquirer after truth, in whom such a vehement desire to know Christ was manifested, I have seldom witnessed. The Lord condescended to cause him to see the simple way of coming by faith, while I was conversing with him, and he soon began to repose in Christ as a present Savior. In endeavoring afterward to unfold to him the glory and extent of this salvation, he seemed to receive it with such ardor of feeling, and exhibited such maturity of views in the grasping of his desires, that I was constrained to offer, even for his acceptance, a full salvation: the extent to which he received it, remains to be determined by the fruits brought forth; but thus far (and I have minutely marked his progress) his Christian course has been signalized with an unusual degree of maturity and decision.

While we were dining this day, the table being loaded with the bounties of Heaven, I took advantage of the circumstance to expatiate on the fullness and freeness of the provision made by the gospel for all mankind — the ingratitude of man in refusing to partake of its proffered benefits, when by so many inducements invited.

Remembering that our beloved pastor had said, a few days since, that it was well to study human nature, and take advantage of its diversified peculiarities, I cast my eye on a stranger on the opposite side of the table, who looked as if whole-hearted in whatever he might undertake, and though an entire stranger, I felt as if I could read in his countenance, that he was whole-hearted in his rebellion against God. "Is it not ungenerous," I asked, "when such bounteous provision has been made, and the great Master of the feast hath said, `Come, for all things are ready,' that any should refuse?" "O," said he, "I do not think of these things as you do," and professed himself a Universalist. But I at once saw that I had touched upon the right chord in appealing to his ingratitude. An interesting conversation ensued, in which I felt the Lord touched his heart. I afterward took him upon my mind as a special subject of prayer. It was some time before he yielded to conviction, but on trying to extort a promise that he would pray for himself, in which I seemed to be unsuccessful, I said, "Well, if you will not pray for yourself, remember, there will be one praying for you between five and six every morning. God will hear and answer prayer; I know it, and though he will not irresistibly compel you to yield to the influences of his Spirit, he will irresistibly compel you to feel those influences; and if you resist them you will have to answer to God for the consequences." He was now moved in a manner I had not before witnessed, and though he did not promise to pray for himself, yet I perceived, by his embarrassed manner, that the Spirit was powerfully at work on his heart, giving him to see that he was hedged about, and placed in awfully-responsible circumstances. This was on board the steamboat returning home.

On the Sabbath succeeding I saw him, and his countenance bespoke that the rebellion of his heart had been, in a measure, subdued. "I have made up my mind," said he. But I afterward found that though his mind was made up mainly to devote himself to the service of God, there was one exception in which he determined to persist. "I will never go forward to the altar for prayer," said he, "God can just as well bless me anywhere else as there."

I assured him, "that he would never find the Lord till he was willing to make any sacrifice, and to seek with all his heart." Fixed in his determination, he returned to his former state of rebellion, and, for a few weeks, continued sinning against the most awful convictions, until, at last, when just about to yield to the temptation to plunge into scenes of daring impiety, he concluded to take one more glance at the scenes of prayer to which he had of late accustomed himself, ere he made the plunge, when one of the Lord's dear servants, observing him at the door of the place of worship, put his arm round his neck and begged him to yield to Christ. He did yield; and scarcely had he knelt to declare himself an humble seeker of salvation, ere a mighty saving change passed over him, and I was soon afterward sent for to rejoice with him in the ardor of his first love.

He afterward informed me that at the time in the morning when I had said, "Remember one will be praying for you," he had the most awful sense of his sinfulness, and the displeasure of God, and one morning, at this hour, his convictions rose to such a height that he arose and hid himself under the bed, as if to escape the presence of God. He is now apparently as wholehearted in the service of God as he was formerly in the service of Satan.


September 11. Precious Jesus,


"Where shall I thy praise begin?"

Thou hast not disappointed my expectations. More than my most sanguine hopes have been realized.

Yes! blessed be God, my course is still onward and upward. My communion is with the Triune God — my faith in his power and eternal veracity has been abundantly increased; I enjoy the constant visits of his love, and have realized that these visitations — nay, these abidings of his presence — are indeed transforming. Such has been the nearness of my communion, of late, that I have but to look up through the power of the Spirit and see Jesus at the right hand of the Father, pleading my cause; his inspiring language to my soul is, "Ask what thou wilt and it shall be done

unto thee," and then it is but to make the request, in order to realize the immediate answer. Some
answers to prayer, received of late, have indeed been extraordinary. Yes! I will sing, —


"Rise! rise, my soul! and onward, onward still,
All is well, all is well,
God shall, with all, with all his fullness fill,
All is well, all is well
Stronger than death his love to thee;
And thou to all eternity,
A monument of grace shalt be.
All is well, all is well.

I was lately asked to converse with an irreligious young lady, when a suitable occasion might offer. The individual, on making the request, stated that the associations of the lady had been such, that much caution might be necessary in approaching her. I could not conceive much of an idea of a genteel neglecter of God, and felt rather disposed to indulge a disposition not to come in contact with her, thinking that I should give uneasiness to interested friends, should I declare what I believed to be the whole counsel of God to her soul, which I intended to do, should I fall in with her. Under unexpected circumstances, she was introduced, and I at once began to deliver what I believed to be a message from God to her soul.

The Lord condescended to make it at once a word in season; she became powerfully awakened, and the same day began to seek the Lord with all her heart, and the next morning was made a witness of his pardoning mercy.

She has since become as decided and ardent in the service of God as she formerly was in the service of the world — has become a witness of the perfect love of God, and is bringing forth fruit unto holiness.

September 9. Last evening, H____, the woman living with me, entered into the rest of perfect love. She had been struggling for it through the day with much fervor. Early in the evening she came to my room, and while conversing with her, the ardor of her desires so increased that she began to cry, "I will not let thee go until thou bless me." Her anguish was very great, so that her groans and cries might have been heard through the house.

The Lord whom she sought suddenly came to his temple, and his entrance was glorious. She was, for some time, quite overpowered with the weight of glory that rested upon her O! what am I, or my father's house before me, that I should be so favored of God? From her first coming to live with us, I have felt that the Lord sent her in answer to prayer. Assured that the most minute circumstances, inducing care, are not unknown to God, and as he hath said, For these things will I be inquired of by the house of Israel; I earnestly asked that he would take my cause in hand. It gave me much pleasure to hear her say, soon after she had been so powerfully blessed, "I asked the Lord to direct me to some place where I might enjoy Christian privileges, and, blessed be his name, this house has been a heaven to me ever since I came." Glory be to God!

After retiring to rest, I had severe buffetings from Satan. The conflict was so great that I awoke my dear companion to speak of it. He was so overcome with sleep that he scarcely aroused, but only said, "My grace is sufficient for thee." I immediately rose from my pillow, and renewedly, and yet more confidently, threw myself upon the all-sufficiency of grace — and, though the enemy did not cease to throw his darts, I trusted in my Savior to ward them off, and soon fell asleep; and awoke, after sweetly-refreshing repose, with peace reigning throughout all my borders, and filled with the joyous presence of God.

October 6. Still living in the enjoyment of a present salvation; my time has been so fully occupied of late, that I have not taken time to record the various loving kindnesses of the Lord as frequently as formerly; I have almost regretted this, for I ever prove it a blessing to be thus engaged, and then I find the review so inspiring for subsequent consideration.

I have been almost inclined to regard remissness in this, unless unavoidable, as remissness in duty. But the record is written upon my heart, and I trust, by the help of the Spirit, that the record of my daily walk and conversation may be a living epistle, read and known of all men, during my life; and in the world above tell for ever on the records of eternity, to the praise and glory of God.

God has, of late, in great mercy, made some of the young persons in my Bible class members of the household of faith; last Sabbath the excitement was so great, that we were not able to attend to the ordinary duties of the class; they are daily remembered by me before the Lord. God is the hearer and answerer of prayer.

I have also been permitted to see some gracious fruit of my labor on my tract district; several seem to have been, in a measure, awakened, while urging upon them the importance of religion. One, especially, a professed deist, possessed of talents of an order calculated to tell on the ranks of infidelity, has promised, and I believe sincerely, to investigate the truths of Christianity; my interest for him was much increased, by what human foresight would have pronounced an accidental circumstance. Part of my regular parcel of tracts for this month's distribution had been mislaid, and I took a few of the "Mother's Last Prayer" in my hand, in case the others should not hold out. From his knowledge of the subject of religion, I was impressed with the belief that he might once have had pious associations; I handed him the tract just mentioned, and said, "Perhaps you have had a pious mother: " he betrayed emotion, and said, "Yes." I now found the avenue to his heart much more accessible than before, and he acknowledged that he had been educated in Europe for the ministry in the Episcopal Church.

Other cases of much interest have come under my observation this month. Surely the work of tract distribution is the work of God; in no other duty do I feel more emphatically as a laborer in the vineyard. How noiselessly, and yet how effectually may the good seed here be sown, in hearts not otherwise accessible! Blessed be God that I was ever permitted to engage in this blessed cause!

Friday. A person of deep piety called in today, and in the narration of her early experience gave an unusual exhibition of the awful temerity of setting God a time. She is now about forty-three. At the age of fourteen, when away from home to attend school, God converted her soul. She continued very happy in the enjoyment of religion, and often thought with what great delight she would inform her friends, on her return home, of the happy change. One day, when on the eve of departure, as she was thinking wishfully of the scenes in which she was about to mingle, and of the surprise with which the gay circle would receive the intelligence of her conversion, she began to hesitate about the propriety of telling them at once.

The Spirit suggested, "You had better inform them immediately, or you may never do it." The tempter presented, in glowing exhibition, the disappointment of gay young friends, who would regard her as for ever lost to their society, should she profess her conversion. The Spirit of God strove mightily; but notwithstanding she had been favored with much of its happying influences, so strong were the world's delusive phantoms, that she deliberately made up her mind, after thinking of it some time, not to say anything on the subject of religion: and in doing this the Spirit assured her that she would in effect give up the subject entirely. Awful to relate, she concluded to let the matter come to this point, and resolved to give up the enjoyment of religion altogether, until she should arrive at the age of twenty. The Spirit of God from that moment ceased its strivings, and she was left to pursue, unchidden, the follies of the world.

When about eighteen she was arrested by a very singular disease. Many physicians were consulted, but her case was pronounced inexplicnble. It began with a slight malconformation of her person, which gradually increased to such a degree, as at first to embitter, and eventually forbid all enjoyment in the gay scenes to which she had been most ardently devoted. She now saw, and Satan seemed also to love to taunt her with, the barter she had made, and for a time she was left to reflect on her folly in utter despair of the mercy of God. She imagined that she had received the mark of Cain, and was unwilling to look up to either God or man. Her person continues to be increasingly deformed. But some years since, after a long season of despair, she was enabled to trust in the mercy of God, and is now a happy believer; yet still fully believes that she carries about in her person the mark of the displeasure of the Almighty.

October. Went to the tract distributors' meeting this evening. Had a very delightful and profitable season. I was much drawn out in prayer that every soul might be blest. The divine sanction seemed to be given, and a heavenly influence appeared to pervade the minds of all present, while in sweetest unity those of different denominations joined together in humble effort and aspirations for the success of this blessed cause. Surely it has most peculiarly the smiles of our Lord.

November 20. The Lord still condescends to water the seed sown in my Bible class. Three more profess to have found the Lord. I dare not doubt the genuineness of the change. The Savior said, " By their fruits ye shall know them," and they manifest most obviously that the love of God is shed abroad in their hearts, by their ardent love and zeal for the salvation of others. There seems to be a general awakening in the class. The Lord has laid the burden of their souls upon me in such a manner, that my soul is continually saying, "I will not let thee go" until thou bless them. O what a stewardship, to have souls in charge!

November 27. Called today on some Christian friends. I was greatly interested with one young friend just on the verge of eternity. She is young and fascinating: but just merged into womanhood, and life opening with exhilaration before her. Yet the opening prospects of life and immortality possess still greater charms, as the world recedes from her vision and the expectation of recovery decreases. She is now longing to go, and her cry is, "Lord, give me patience to wait thy time." I have thought that the Lord was taking her from the evil to come. But a few months since, in the midst of an excitement in religion, she was taken into the fold of Christ. A renunciation of gay society and conformity to the world seemed not to have been included in the account, when she espoused the cause of Christ. Some Christian friends, who had counted the cost, knew well that a life of piety, founded on such principles, could not endure the storms of temptation to which she stood continually exposed, by the associations surrounding her, and tremblingly they watched her progress. But the heavenly Watcher, almighty in power and infinite in love, is now about taking her most gently from the impending storm.

From a review of the circumstances in which this young lady was placed, my mind has been much impressed with the weight of responsibility resting upon those parents, who, though they have embraced religion with its self-denying principles, as the better way for themselves, yet, as though the children with which God hath intrusted them were in a manner distinct from themselves, bring them up and place them in associations calculated to fascinate them with the frivolities which they have renounced, as inconsistent with a life of piety. How strange the infatuation! It is in effect bringing them up in a way from which they intend and pray that they should depart, while they encourage the pursuit.

December 5. While at meeting last evening, a new and singular source of temptation was presented, and God gave me a signal victory. The Lord has of late permitted the fruit of my labor to be apparent to an unusual degree. "You would not labor so assiduously," said the tempter, "were it not that the fruits were evident to those around you." Seldom have I felt more indignant, and I began to anticipate, with a longing to which I had almost been a stranger, a speedy dismission from the body, so that my free spirit, unvexed by the accusations of Satan, might soar unhindered on any errand of love to which God might appoint. Yes, I began to long for the freedom of a disembodied spirit, where, unobserved by mortals, I might do the will of God as angels do in heaven. At once a sphere of labor was presented, where, unobserved by any other than the eye of God, I might work. The minister who was preaching was a timid young brother, and there were elder brethren in the ministry listening, which seemed to weigh heavily upon his spirit.

It was suggested, You may help that young brother by asking in faith, that the Spirit may help his infirmities, and speak through him. The Lord now gave a perfect victory over Satan, by inspiring my soul with mighty faith in pleading for his servant. And God did indeed speak through him. The brother seemed raised above his former self, and though not previously a tine of awakening in our church, several souls were powerfully awakened through the exercises of the meeting. Ten went forward to be prayed for. Never before had I such a view of the impotency of human instruments. Not only did I know, but I felt, beyond the power of expression, that they were powerless, only as God condescended to give them efficiency. After the persons had presented themselves for prayer, it was suggested, This may all amount to nothing after all this ado; it is sudden excitement, which will not be likely to eventuate in much. I then began to plead that every one of them might be converted before leaving the altar, and at the close of the meeting the announcement was made that every one of them had been blest.

Dec. 13. All the ardent desires of my soul are sweetly centered in God. I feel that I have not one desire apart from that which may promote his glory. He is my all in all. I enjoy a silent heaven of love. The beauty of holiness more and more captivates my enraptured soul. Spirit of holiness, continue to breathe upon me thy purifying, soul-transforming influences! I have ever found, after every season of intense wrestling for more conformity to the divine image, that it has invariably been given, though I may not at the time have realized it. We cannot draw nigh to God without proving that he draws nigh to us, though at the moment our faith may be tried, and we not fully apprehend it. Communion with God must necessarily be transforming.

Dec. 14. At our class meeting, last night, God was eminently present. The place seemed to be sensibly filled with the divine presence. Mrs.____ was present, and gave in a glowing testimony. About three months since she was translated from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of God's dear Son, through the instrumentality of a devoted female friend. Previous to this her associations were with the gayest of the gay. Theaters, ball rooms, and parties were the life of her existence. But, O, what a transformation grace hath made! From her first setting out, she gave up the world, and became whole-hearted in the service of God. It was on the next day after her conversion that the Spirit assured her she must leave the things which were behind, and urge her way onward to the attainment of holiness. Two weeks since she obtained the blessing. It was not hard to get at the meaning of being sanctified throughout, body, soul, and spirit, while beholding her enraptured countenance last night. Her very looks carried a conviction to the heart, that she was filled with the sanctifying influences of the Spirit. Since her conversion, her husband, mother, and servant, with two or three other members of the family, have all sought and found the Lord,. How striking the difference in the progress of Mrs.____ and the majority of those who set out in the heavenly way, too many of whom seem neither to have counted the cost, nor to have made calculation on the sacrifice of all things for Christ! And how many of such seem to be a hindrance to their unconverted friends, by holding out a false light, rather than agents to bring them, by persuasive example and mighty prayer, to that Savior who hath said, "Except a man take up his cross and follow after me, he cannot be my disciple!"

Jan. 4. I have been praying of late for power to apprehend more fully the hope of my calling. I have longed for clearer perceptions of the glory of my inheritance. The desire of my heart has been granted. Heaven seems not only near, but as in part enjoyed. Yes, eternal life is begun. The presence of God fills my soul, and


"His presence makes my paradise, And where he is, is heaven.''

I have sometimes thought that the enjoyments of glorified spirits in heaven, and of those possessing the full salvation of the redeemed on earth, differ mainly in degree and not in nature. An aged brother, who seems to be on the borders of the promised land, gave an interesting relation, last night, of one lately escaped from earth. He was standing by her bedside at the eve of her departure. "Do you hear the angels sing ?" said she.

The individual addressed said, "No, I do not. Do you?"

"Yes," she replied, "I do."

"And why cannot you join with them ?" inquired the friend.

She then began, and, in tones and words of unearthly sweetness, joined, as was fully believed by the surrounding company, with the heavenly choristers. "I never heard the like before," said the aged saint, "and I never expect to hear it again this side of heaven." The physician, an unconverted man, standing by, was filled with astonishment, and said, "I would not have missed that for a hundred dollars."


Jan. 31. My faith has been both tried and strengthened by a circumstance of recent occurrence. It being necessary for me to change a servant, I confidently sought direction from God in making the exchange. I almost immediately found that she was in no ordinary degree a servant of the wicked one. I never remember to have had one about me that seemed more truly under demoniacal influence. I thought her unhappiness seemed in part to arise from the fact that she could not, by her various provocations, disturb the heavenly quietness of those around her. I would have parted with her immediately, but thought I would keep her one week, solely for the purpose of seeing whether Almighty grace might not, in some way, subdue her heart. The last day of trial came, and matters seemed to have grown worse instead of better. As I knelt before the Lord in order to present her case, and also to implore divine direction in filling up her place, the enemy suggested, Did you not believe yourself to have been directed in getting the one you are now about to part with? and behold, it has been evil and only evil, and that continually! Is this not enough to make you question whether God regards all these little matters? The suggestion indeed seemed plausible, but my heart said, "Though I die, I will not remove my integrity from me." And I concluded the matter thus: Perhaps after she has been weeks or months from us, she may remember that there was something in religion to make people happy, and to sustain them under provocations; something she has heard may be as seed sown, which may result in her conversion months hence. As I rose from committing my cause believingly to God, I was called into another room to converse with a penitent greatly distressed. He remained two or three hours, his agony apparently continually increasing. In the mean time the woman came repeatedly to the door to call us to dine, and I as often beckoned her away, as I had no intention of leaving him until he had received comfort. A shade of uneasiness crossed my mind as she looked in on his distress lest she might form strange ideas of religion on witnessing such violent emotions of sorrow; but I cast my care upon God, assured of his ability to take care of his own work, and continued to point him to the Savior, and to wrestle in prayer with him until deliverance came. The transition was glorious and almost overwhelming. In the mean time, my dear husband, with others, had come in, and the now happy child of God, almost beside himself with joy, went hastily around the room, grasping the hand of each, with flowing tears, exclaiming, "O, bless the Lord He has forgiven all my sins. O, bless the Lord — bless the Lord !" At this crisis the woman again came to the parlor door to repeat the call for dinner. Seeing the door open, he ran to it in his bewilderment of joy, and, grasping her hand, exclaimed, "O, praise the Lord! He has forgiven me all my sins. O, praise the Lord!" He continued these exclamations, still holding her hand, while tears of joy coursed down his cheeks most rapidly. The fact that no responsive feeling answered to his joy, seemed only to prolong his appeal, and he continued to retain her hand, still exclaiming, "O, praise the Lord!" A few minutes after we went to dine, when, to the rejoicing of our hearts, we witnessed that God had at last touched her stony heart. She had been weeping bitterly, and hastened, on seeing us, to another room, to hide her emotion. Afterward, on conversing with her, I found that she was most powerfully awakened. On trying to encourage her to seek the Lord, "O!" said she, "I shall never reach that ark of safety. I had a dream some time since, when I saw an ark floating down a river, and it was said to me, `You will never reach that ark of safety.'" She continued in great distress until time for evening meeting. It was necessary for me to remain at home if she went, and I advised her to improve the first moment of opportunity that was given for seekers to present themselves for prayer. I afterward learned from one who saw her, that just so soon as the invitation was given, she literally rushed forward, as if driven to desperation by a consciousness that her case would admit of no delay. When there, with an impetuosity of feeling, which could only arise from the view she afterward told me she had of the impending wrath of God, that seemed to be resting down upon her soul, in such fearful magnitude, that she felt as if life could not have been sustained any longer, unless it had been removed, she cried, "God have mercy upon me; " and she continued to cry, as did Bartimeus, with a loud voice, "God have mercy on me, a sinner," and like him, strange to relate, she was chidden by some of the Lord's well-meaning children. But they knew not the anguish of her spirit. Toward the close of the exercises I was released from home, and went to the meeting. The cry, " Lord have mercy," met my ear as I entered, but though I knew all things were possible with God, I could scarcely conceive that the pride of C___y had been so suddenly put down as to bring her to that point. But on ascertaining that it was indeed she, I hastened to the altar. On being apprised that I was coming, she turned toward me, and, with one of the most imploring looks I ever witnessed, exclaimed, "O! my dear Mrs.____, do you think God can have mercy upon me?" She seemed to be, in a measure, soothed, while, with sympathetic feelings, I endeavored to point her to the Lamb of God. She continued to cling to the altar, though the people had mostly retired, until God spoke peace to her soul. But her case, after conversion, was strikingly dissimilar from the one in the morning, or unlike any that I have before witnessed. After she was forgiven she seemed to be so overwhelmed with the stupendous mercy of God, that I do not remember that she uttered a syllable expressive of joy. We knew that Jesus in a moment bade the troubled waves be still, by the sudden stillness that succeeded. There was a great calm; but the solemnity of death sat on her countenance, and she now willingly, and, I think, silently rose and left the altar. The next day she informed me that, on retiring to rest that night, she tried to pray, but scarcely knew how. It was a duty to which she had been a stranger. In the morning she arose about four o'clock, and "O!" she exclaimed, "I could pray then." About ten, on the morning of the same day, while arranging matters in the room where I was sitting, the person who had been instrumental in bringing her to the house came in, and she went down to see her. "Did you tell Emma what God has done for your soul ?" I inquired.

"O yes," she replied, "I feel as if I wanted to tell all the world."

"I am glad you do feel so, C____," said I, "for I should be inclined to think, that one not desirous to spread such good news had deceived herself."

It was probably the first time she had ever heard it possible for persons to deceive themselves in matters of religion, and Satan took the advantage of her ignorance in a moment. She dropped the work on which she was engaged, and, as if astounded, exclaimed, "Am I deceived?"

"No, C____," said I, "you are not deceived; it is the enemy of your soul who tells you so; you are no more deceived than I am." The contest lasted for a few moments, and it really seemed as if she would have given up her confidence, and have lost all, when all at once, just as suddenly as the tempter had come, he was driven away, and, strange to relate, she threw herself on her knees at my feet, and began to exclaim in a transport of joy, "No, I am not deceived! I am not deceived!

Mrs. ____, your prayers have saved me. Her joy was now as ecstatic and communicative, as was that of the individual who the day before had been instrumental in her awakening.

I have learned lessons through these circumstances, which I trust ever to remember. One is, never to give way to discouragement, however dark and contradictory intervening providences may appear. Another, that the Lord has his own way of doing his own work. His thoughts are not as our thoughts. I thought the extreme distress of Mr._____ prejudicial to the interest of religion in the mind of the wicked C____ . From her distress, I also became convinced that it is in mercy to the guilty soul that the Almighty withholds a full view of the exceeding sinfulness of sin, as it would doubtless paralyze its energies, and it would sink, overwhelmed with the view, into the horrors of an awful eternity. And yet another lesson, and I think it indeed important. I might have been a partaker in the over-solicitude of those dear friends, who "charged her to hold her peace," had I not been personally acquainted with the circumstances of the case, and known with what perfect aversion she would have regarded the circumstance of making such a spectacle of herself, had it not been for those overwhelming perceptions of guilt, which doubtless swallowed up every thought of outward things. We, had thought ourselves on the eve of a glorious revival, but since that night a check, sudden and mysterious, has been put to the work. The change was so sudden, that some have said, "Sister, what do you think can be the cause ?" My mind has invariably attributed it to one cause, and that is, that the ark of God was over-solicitously steadied, when that individual was urged to hold her peace, and when it was said, "What a pity that the meeting should have been so disturbed, when it was only _____'s servant!"

At the commencement of this protracted meeting, I was very desirous that a day of fasting and prayer should be observed by our people for its success. I hardly know why it was, but the suggestion did not receive official sanction to the degree anticipated. I concluded to observe the day previous to the commencement of the meeting thus, to the degree that my infirm health would allow, and I have not only been much blessed and strengthened in my own soul, but the Lord has condescended to bless my endeavors to be useful to others, beyond what has been ordinary with me on similar occasions. Several seekers have found the Lord while at our house.

March 14. On Monday evening, at the Sabbath school prayer meeting, an opportunity was offered for speaking, which, on ordinary occasions, I had been accustomed to improve. Seldom have I been required to walk more exclusively by naked faith, contending against the buffetings of the enemy. A short silence ensued, and no one seemed ready to fill up the time. A new trial presented. I did not seem to have one word to say; — barrenness in reference to the subject, and conflicts with the enemy, would have prevented my saying anything, had it not been said to my soul, "Now is the time to test the faithfulness of God; he hath said, `Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.' If you do not speak now that the circumstances require it, it will be said, `What do ye more than others?" and now, if you would prove his faithfulness, you must open your mouth first, and then trust to God to fill it. Upon the strength of the promise I arose. God did fill my mouth in such a manner as it had never been filled before on a similar occasion. Blessed liberty of soul was at once given, every snare broken, and my soul rejoiced with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. Soon as the exercise demanding the effort had passed over, the trial of my faith was again resumed, and continued, until it seemed necessary, from the circumstances in which I was placed, that I should join in prayer. I commenced with feelings similar to those under which I had spoken, and God again gave blessed liberty. Yesterday, at our afternoon meeting, my exercises, and the trial of my faith, were identical with those of the evening previous, and the grace to help in time of need was bestowed when required, and withdrawn when not required, precisely as it had been on Monday evening. Well, let it be even so. I have counted the cost of living a life of faith on the Son of God, and now that I am brought to the test, shall I repine?

March 29. The Lord has brought my soul into a place of broad rivers. Rivers, as they verge toward the mighty ocean, become broader and deeper. Thus I find in my onward course, the nearer I approach the ocean of infinite purity, love, and unbounded blessedness, the more my soul partakes of the nature of those enjoyments, and becomes yet more closely and consciously allied to the glorious source to which it is tending.

My faith has been strengthened, and my soul much blessed, in reading an account of the Christian experience and happy death of a little sufferer, who has lately finished her pilgrimage at the age of nine. She was an extraordinary sufferer, with a spinal affection, for about two years before her death. Her friends cannot remember to have heard one murmuring or repining word during the whole progress of her illness. She gave a uniform exhibition of the blessed overflowings of a heart where


"Christ alone did dwell,
All praise, all meekness, and all love."

She was subject to the most violent paroxysms of pain, yet when asked, "Would you not like to get well?" would reply, "No; I do not think it is the will of God, therefore I would not." Her experience brought out to an unusual degree the meaning of the Savior's words, "Except ye become as little children," &c. It is said that she regarded the Bible as literally the word of God, and treasured it up in her heart, with all that childlike simplicity and sweetness that it might have been supposed she would have done had the Savior spoken audibly to her.

April 6. I have been reading a book entitled, "The Importance of Small Things." The author (a good man, I am sure) differs greatly in opinion from the generality of professors of the present day. I should suppose that truth lies between the two. It is my opinion that the Lord generally calls us to be lights to those around us, by a consistent Christian example, in just the circle from which he has singled us out. Those of" Cesar's household" were possessed of an influence, from social causes, to be useful to those of the king's palace, above others who were unaccustomed to scenes of loyalty, and its various unenviable associations; but yet it should not be forgotten that there were saints even there. And thus with those of every grade in life. God makes use of our moral and social training in fitting us for the place in his temple which he designs we should fill. Placed there by his own hand, we adorn and beautify it; elsewhere, we deform it by evident unseemliness. Paul speaks of being all things to all men, in order by any means to win some. And Christ also says, "The children of this world are wiser in their generation than the children of light." This was doubtless in allusion to their various nameless expedients to advance their worldly interests. As illustrative of this, one brother remarked, some time since, that if he was among the Indians, and could do more good by wearing a blanket, he would wear one. This recognizes, in my opinion, the principle upon which Paul practiced; a principle which the Lord deeply implanted in my soul, the hour when he gave me the witness of perfect love. I have felt since that I have no interest apart from the interests of the Redeemer's kingdom. The Lord has assured my soul that the kingdom of heaven does not consist in meats and drinks, but in righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Yet, O! how I have mourned to witness some, who, from a love of conformity to the world, feed the vanity of the unsanctified heart, prove a stumbling block in the way of others, and make shipwreck of faith and a good conscience. Some, doubtless, will find in the eternal world, that the priceless soul has been lost, through the valueless trifles of mere outward adornment. Not that there was sin in the articles themselves, but in the pride which they tended to cherish. Yet these are nice points to determine. I have known some inclined to unchristianize those who did not conform to a standard which had perhaps been begotten from early parental prejudices and associations. I have seen others also who seemed influenced by the principle, that unlovely habits, and manners uncouth, were necessary to mortify the pride of the heart; and that the exhibition of these unlovely traits is needful, in order to show that the heart is humble: such do not appear to be aware that they are in the mean time sinning against the express Scriptural requirements, "Be courteous," "Whatsoever things are lovely," &c. It seems very reasonable to me that the Christian, whom Christ hath chosen out of the world, should manifest in spirit, manner, and dress, a detachment from the things of earth.

April 17. I have found blessed satisfaction late in bringing the promises and the Promiser together. What a privilege to be permitted to take God on the strong ground of his own infallible word!

I called today to see H____, the woman who was so greatly blessed, while living with us, some time since. She has been sick several weeks, and is apparently just on the verge of heaven. On asking her whether she would not rather depart and be with Christ, she replied, "If raising my finger would decide the point, I would not dare to do it."

Her health had become so infirm that it was necessary she should embrace an opportunity, which offered, of living where she would have but little to attend to. On going there, she found that the family in which she had engaged did not have family prayer, the husband being irreligious. H____ expressed her disappointment, and said she felt as if she could not stay in a family where she should be deprived of this privilege. She then modestly said to the lady, who was a Christian woman;" If Mrs. _____ will pray and read one morning, I will the next." The lady consented to the proposal. The husband soon began to manifest interest on the subject of religion, and the Lord laid the weight of his soul on H____'s mind in such a manner, that, to use her own language, she reeled as one intoxicated, under the weight of her feelings. This intense excitement was more especially felt during one Sabbath. As she was going to church, she was so absorbed in travail of soul for him that she was forgetful of all around her, or where she was, and being unable to proceed to church, she sat down by the way, and continued, she was not aware how long, in agony of soul for him. That night he went to the inquiry room, became deeply awakened, and soon afterward became a happy believer in Christ; and in heaven will doubtless remember the humble individual who was instrumental in rearing the family altar.

July 2. O, what a heavenly sweetness has just been diffused throughout my soul! I took up a book and read these lines


"I dwell for ever on His heart, For ever he on mine."

Yes, Jesus loves me. I know it — I feel it. What can I want besides? O, may I ever be consciously and constantly filled with the Spirit!

July 9. The weather of late has been very oppressive, and my health infirm. Last night, on retiring, I felt the spirit willing, but the flesh weak. During the hours of sleep, Satan seemed to be chiding me with a want of energy, when the word of the Lord was applied with such power and sweetness to my mind, that it awoke me. "He that keepeth Israel, neither slumbereth nor sleepeth." I rejoiced and gave thanks to the God of my salvation.

David says, "At midnight I will arise and give thanks unto thee, because of thy righteous judgments." Psalm cxix, 62. I have found it very profitable to follow his example. O! with what nearness of access have I been permitted to approach the throne at this hallowed hour! At times it seems as if faith had almost turned to sight.

August. Have met with some friends on the heavenly way of late, in whom I have been much interested, especially at our recent camp meeting. One, the Rev. Mr. M____, pastor of a Congregational Church, I shall doubtless ever remember from the manner in which the Lord made him instrumental in communicating a lesson, which has been rendered a great blessing to me. I met him first on the morning of the day, at a social meeting in one of the tents, where Jesus was eminently present. He spoke with such power and sweetness of the deep things of God, as conveyed a conviction to the hearts of the friends of Jesus, that the secret of the Lord was with him. I was also greatly blessed in my own soul, and was permitted to feel sweet freedom of spirit, while conversing on the things of God. After the meeting closed, we were introduced, and permitted to take sweet counsel together.. This was previous to the morning exercises from the stand. At noon, he came to our tent, and to my surprise and sorrow saluted me thus: "Well, Mrs. _____, if I should be saying something very good about you, I should be praising you should I not?" Contemplating a religious compliment, which I most conscientiously disapprove, and disappointed that I had, as I conceived, made miscalculations in reference to the depth of his knowledge in the things of God, I looked up at him reprovingly, and with evident displeasure said, "I suppose it would be called so." He hesitated a moment, long enough to let me form enduring conceptions of the trial, and then, with childlike sweetness, said, "Let us speak good of God." Then turning to the company, with a beseeching look and tone, he added, "Come, let us all speak well of the name of the Lord. He has done much for us. He will not be offended, for he hath said, `Whoso offereth praise, glorifieth me.'" Many Scriptural exhortations to praise the Lord were then brought forward, and we had a blessed season in speaking well of the name of the Lord. I have not been perplexed in any degree with the temptation since, that I am talking about myself; when I am telling what the Lord has done for me. I feel that praising the Lord is by far the most effectual way of disclaiming the work, which some, untaught in the things of God, might conceive to be inherent good in the creature; and I have since felt and cherished an increased longing to communicate, to the praise of God, the work of his Spirit on my heart. The proper principle of humility has thus, by this trial, been brought with such tangibility within my grasp, as to leave a continual and blessed certainty on my mind, that God has indeed given me the grace of perfect humility. I joyfully acknowledge it, to the glory of his grace. If God has given it, it is his gift. I have not given it to myself O, how much I love to praise his name! Well may the poet say, -"— Eternity's too short To utter all His praise."

God gave me a signal answer to prayer also on the morning of this memorable day. My heart had been earnestly aspiring after greater conformity to the Divine Image, and stronger faith, during the preceding day. The last breathing, as I fell asleep at night was, "Lord increase my faith." I was awakened in the morning, at a very early hour, by the powerful application of this passage, "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us; and if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." The Holy Spirit took of the things of God and revealed them to me, and I received clearer and more inspiring views of the simplicity of faith than ever before.

At the previous morning meeting alluded to, while the disciples of Jesus were talking so sweetly of the things that appertain to the kingdom, my mind for a few moments was drawn from the interesting circle to my beloved companion, who, by professional duties, was seldom permitted to participate in such scenes. Gratitude, desire, and sympathy blended, in contrasting the amount of my privileges with his. "O how much he would enjoy such a season as this," thought I; when this question was presented to me, "Why may he not be especially and powerfully blest just now, where he is?"

"All human probabilities are against it," was suggested in reply; " he is just now riding about the streets of a busy city, and it would be out of the ordinary way of God's manner of working, and he does not work miracles when his ordinary way of dealing may just as well be submitted to." Immediately the truth was presented, that all things are possible with God, and all things are possible to him that believeth. Is it not according to the will of God that he should be blest now? Does not the whole spirit of his word warrant you in this belief? And if it is according to his revealed will, then you have the confidence that he heareth you and if you know that He heareth, then you may know that you have the things you desire of him. I now felt that I had a sufficient warrant from the word, to assure me that I might ask confidently; and I began to say, "O, Lord! distance, time, and place are one with thee — O, bless him — bless him just now in a powerful manner, wherever he may be. I leave my petition before the throne, presented in the name of Jesus." I felt a perfect confidence that what I had asked was according to the will of God, and knew that I had the things I had desired of God. My mind was then recalled to the circumstances by which I was surrounded. The answer to my petition was not again brought to my recollection until the Sabbath after my return, when my husband remarked what a blessed day he had on Thursday. "All at once," said he, "as I was riding about, with my mind in no way specially engaged, such a heavenly influence came down upon me, and remained with me all day, that I thought some one must have been praying for me. Was it not you?" I then told him the manner in which I had been engaged that morning, and the answer received, and we had a season of rejoicing together, in view of the condescension of God.

August. Met another traveler in the highway today. He gave a statement of the manner of the Spirit's operations, which, though unusual, was instructive and edifying. How truly, in reference to the work of the Spirit, may it be said, "There are diversities of operations, but it. is the same God which worketh all in all!" And yet in the early career of the believer, how anxious he generally is to get an experience in minutiae, like others, and how prone to dissatisfaction when this is not attained! Mr. ____ received his early training with the Hicksite Friends. His prepossessions, as may be presumed, were all opposed to excitement in religion. The Lord gave him a pious wife, who, in process of time, became a traveler in the way of holiness. In the meanwhile, when pleading with God in his chamber, he was also made a partaker of the pardoning mercy of God, and united in church fellowship with his companion. He was glad when she became a zealous seeker of holiness, hoping that her experience might be instructive to him, as he knew but little about the subject, otherwise than as he had heard of it merely as a doctrine peculiar to a sect. One Sabbath afternoon, while sitting in the house of the Lord, in an unexpected moment, apart seemingly from any human instrumentality, light — in reference to the nature of the blessing, and the terms upon which it was to be received — was presented in a luminous manner, for his acceptance The terms on his part were, the entire sacrifice of all to God, and the taking upon himself the obligation to profess the blessing on receiving it. He remembered some who were over him in the Lord, who did not profess holiness, and. thought, "Surely they will not receive my testimony, and will think me assuming, or presumptuous;" and though he much desired the blessing, he finally concluded that he would not at once make up his mind to receive it on such terms. On coming to this conclusion, the light he had received in reference to the nature of the blessing, and the manner in which. it was offered for his acceptance, and all prospect of attaining it, vanished as suddenly as it had been presented. For the two succeeding months, darkness to be felt brooded over his pathway. In apparently-unavailing lamentations, he bemoaned his refusal to comply with the conditions, scarcely daring to hope that the Spirit would again take of the things of God, and reveal them to him. But suddenly, as on the former occasion, while under the word, the blessing was again offered, and the same conditions were presented.. With eagerness, his whole heart flew to embrace the offer, and said, "Let it come in any way, only let it come!"

It came, and with such mighty power, that the day of Pentecost could scarcely have witnessed, in individual experience, a scene more astounding, uncontrollable, or unaccountable, on the principles of mere human reason, than was presented in his extraordinary exercises. The "sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind," could scarcely have been more overwhelming in its influences on that day, when anciently given, than on this occasion.

For about four hours he was no more under his own control, or that of his friends around him, than the apostles were when first baptized with the Holy Ghost. Many others were baptized as suddenly at the same time. He still continues a flaming witness of the power of saving grace.

Wednesday. I was much blessed today by a remark from Dr. Bangs. "We lose much," said he, "in not being definite in our petitions. Now what do we most want? — let that be at the present time the definite subject of our petitions." I began to ask myself, "What do I most want?" I remembered that Jesus had said, "Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father, in my name, he will give it you." I asked for an enlargement of soul, and then that these enlarged capacities might be filled with God. I left my petition before the throne, in the name of Jesus; but felt assured that I should have the things I had desired of God. Almost immediately after I was requested to converse with one earnestly seeking the Lord. Soon afterward, at an unexpected moment, I found surprising expansion of soul, and was filled with the fullness of God to such a degree, that I was led to exclaim, "What can this mean?" when a conviction, as powerful as though audibly uttered, assured me, "This is the answer to the petition that you some time since left before the throne, in the name of Jesus."

Thursday. Learned a lesson today. The manner of learning it was somewhat painful. The Lord grant that the effect may be lasting. "He doth not afflict the children of men willingly." O' that I may not grieve the heart of Infinite Love, by making it needful, by my thoughtlessness, for him to repeat the lessons intended to be communicated through each trial, as I pass onward in the heavenly way. I was constantly so surrounded by the multitude, that I began to long most ardently for opportunity to get into the secret presence of the Lord. I had for the few days preceding been endeavoring to bear the burdens of others with but little intermission, and had thus far been permitted but little time for the purpose of presenting my own case before the Lord. Now, thought I, I will get alone with God. Am I to presume that this ability to be useful will last, if I thus permit my seasons for private devotion to be broken in upon by these ceaseless interruptions? Finding, if I remained in the tent, there was but little prospect of obtaining my wish, I concluded to seek some solitary place apart from the multitude; but turn which way I would, I met with some one disposed to beguile my time. At last, despairing to obtain it thus, I turned, with resolve not to be foiled, to my tent, determined that I would have it there. Scarcely had I retired with the intention of trying to feel alone, though still but little removed from the multitude, when dear sister S_____ said," Sister, Mrs. G_____ wishes to see you." I looked up with a degree of disappointment, and said, "O, dear!" and went to see the friend. She had come purposely to seek advice in reference to the way of holiness; but I found that I had not the special help of the Spirit in conversation which I had been accustomed to enjoy, and was startled at the difference. The ability to be useful seemed to be withheld. It was then apprehended, most keenly, that the ability was a special gift from God. On inquiring of the Lord, after the friend had retired, why it was that this trial was permitted, I was immediately given to see that I had been endeavoring, though ignorantly, to get out of the order of God. And I now see that the only way to be a blessing to others, or to be blessed, is by entering promptly and rejoicingly into the providential openings thus hourly presented, and that the time to work is plainly indicated by the manner of the Spirit's operations on the hearts of others in sending them to me; and such labor is as truly the work of the Lord, and as pleasing to him, as is the devotion of the closet. It was not a willful trespass. My heavenly Father knew it, and did not severely chide; but he taught me a lesson which I hope ever to profit by when similarly circumstanced. O, how much need for the continual application of the blood of Jesus! Under the old dispensation, atonement was necessary for sins of ignorance. Under the new, a High Priest who can be touched with the feelings of our infirmities ever presents the soul-cleansing, peace-speaking blood in our behalf, and the sacrifice still ascends, a sweet savor of Christ, unto God. It was said by one, "Conviction is net condemnation." How important, for the peace of the soul, is this knowledge! In the experience just narrated, I have proved the justness of the remark. Willful transgression necessarily brings condemnation; but a kind father may convict a dutiful child of unintentional error, and yet not condemn him.

Sunday. I was permitted to partake of the precious memorials of the Savior's dying love, and was enabled, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, to enter into closer and more sensible communion with God than I can express. While bringing to lively remembrance the momentous price paid for the redemption of the soul, and summing up every power and faculty, that nothing might be wanting to make the sacrifice complete, I realized, most deeply and consciously, that I was enabled to lay hold upon the strength of Omnipotence, and enter into covenant with the Lord my Redeemer. Such a full and delightful assurance was given that I had, through the Spirit, complied with the terms of the covenant, and had given all, and was now receiving all in Christ, that I seemed to be lost and swallowed up in God. Blessed be the name of the Lord, I know that I am crucified to the world, and the world to me.

Sept. 10. Two friends, for whose conversion I have been most deeply interested, called today. They have both tasted that the Lord is good, and are now, with most grateful hearts, rejoicing in the God of their salvation. Since Mrs. _____'s conversion, which was but a week or two since, God has also given her her husband to accompany her. He was a violent opposer, and when she asked permission to attend a special means of grace, two or three weeks since, with the secret hope of finding the Lord, his consent was very reluctantly given, fearing, as he said, that she would get a religion that would make her melancholy all her days. After some persuasion, he concluded to let her go. The Lord healed her wounded spirit while there, and she returned home very happy in the enjoyment of religion. On telling her husband of the gracious change, he became greatly enraged, and one; in the days of our Savior, under demoniacal influence, could scarcely have shown more malignity and deep-rooted hatred to the cause of Christ, than did this individual toward the cause that the beloved of his bosom had espoused. She had anticipated opposition; but little imagined the mighty storm which was to meet her, on thus disclosing the secret of her joy to him whom she ever had reason to regard as the friend of her happiness, her devoted husband. She knew not where the storm would end; but continued casting herself upon her almighty Savior for sustainment and succor in this her day of trouble. It was on Friday she told him of the happy change, and persecution raged with unabated fury until Saturday night, when, in his desperation, he loaded a pistol, and said that he would put an end to his existence, which had been rendered so miserable by the blighting of all his future prospects. But He who holdeth the tempest in his hand prevented the execution of his design.

Finding that his threats were powerless in moving her, he now began another course. "Do you believe in the Trinity ?" he authoritatively demanded.

Yes," she meekly replied, "I do."

"And what reason have you for such a belief?" said he.

"The Bible teaches it," she responded, "and I believe all that is taught in the Bible."

He then denied his belief in the doctrine of the Trinity, but soon afterward became silent and began to weep, and continued to weep during the remainder of the night. Undetermined in her own mind as to the character of his sorrow, whether induced from excessive vexation, remorse, or penitence, she said nothing.

In the morning he informed her that he had not had one moment's peace since he denied his belief in the Trinity. "And now," said he, "since you will not go with me, I have made up my mind to go with you." He became an earnest seeker of salvation, and went with her that morning to the house of God.

In the afternoon they were detained, from some indisposition in the family, from attending church. He expressed to his beloved companion his resolute determination to lead a new life, and gave evidence of his sincerity by his expressions of godly sorrow, and bringing forth fruits meet

for repentance. But she greatly feared his again mingling in business with his skeptical associates,
to whom he would be exposed, and left him to pour out her soul in secret before God. On her
leaving him, he took up the Bible, and opened on these words, "But thou, when thou prayest, enter
into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father, which is in secret; and thy
Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." He felt that the Bible was the word of the
Lord, and really believed the declaration that had been presented to him, and began to pray
earnestly, and believingly, for the blessing implied; and God gave it, and made him a joyful
witness of his pardoning mercy. When Mrs._____ returned to the room, he threw his arms around
her neck, and declared what God had done for his soul. Thus was the lion, in a few short hours,
transformed to the lamb.


"Is there a thing too hard for thee,
Almighty Lord of all;
Whose threatening looks dry up the sea,
And bid the mountains fall?"

Thursday, 13th. The Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Yes,


"Jesus reigns, he reigns victorious,
Over heaven and earth most glorious,
Jesus reigns."

He reigns triumphant in my soul. I at present enjoy, through his all-abounding grace, conscious victory over sin, death, and the grave. O, what a conquest over timid nature hath grace gained! Some time since, I said to my companion, when on the eve of retiring for the night, "The skeptic could scarcely conceive that the believer in Christ could feel such a perfect repose and confidence in him, that, on retiring to rest, he could say, I feel that I repose so confidently in the arms of Infinite Love, that it is matter of no solicitude whether I awake in time or in eternity — but I do indeed feel that I can say so." This day the observation has been brought forcibly to my remembrance by a singular dream I had last night. I thought three or four members of our family, with myself, were sitting together, when some one knocked for admittance. I invited the person in, when, to our surprise, a beloved brother, deceased about two years since, entered. Though we all seemed perfectly aware of the fact, that he was a visitant from the spiritual world, yet he seemed so pleased to see us, and greeted us in the same lovely, affectionate manner, so peculiar to him when in life, that we could not find it in our hearts to yield to anything like a repulsiveness of manner toward him, on account of the strangeness of the visitation. After presenting his hand, and giving an affectionate kiss to each, he came to me, and with still stronger marks of endearment than with the others, throwing his arms around my neck, with an indescribable look of fondness and affection, he said, "You will be with me . . . Sabbath," and immediately left the room. Consternation now sat on every countenance, and an awful silence ensued, which I was the first to break, by asking, "Did he say on Sabbath, or after Sabbath?" He had been so hasty in the delivery of his message that I had lost the word, and their consternation on hearing the announcement had been such that they had also failed to hear the precise time. From that time to the moment if my waking, which was seemingly — two or three hours, I was engaged in making preparations similar to those which would have been made had the dream been an actual announcement from the spiritual world. When I awoke it still lingered with the vividness of reality upon my mind. My feelings forbade my entering with zest into contemplations of the future, which the scenes around me were calculated to cherish. It was my impression that I was about to finish my earthly pilgrimage; and if so soon, it seemed but reasonable that my time should be spent in a manner to correspond with the momentousness of the circumstance. And yet it was a dream, and the idea of having my mind thus influenced by a mere dream I was fearful might appear visionary, and, give unnecessary uneasiness. Influenced by these considerations, I said but little; yet the circumstances in which my mind was placed, gave abundant opportunity to test the truth of the observations with which I commenced to write. Over and again it came to my mind during the morning, that the Lord might have permitted the trial to test the strength of the principle so confidently asserted on the evening alluded to; and blessed be the name of the Lord, it still continued firm when brought to this trying test. About noon, something having a bearing on the future, needed a promptness of action, quite at variance with my impressions of speedy dissolution; and in endeavoring to draw nigh to God, in reference to the subject, I was permitted near and sweet access to the throne, while asking, that if this trial was intended as a sure intimation that I was done with the things of earth, the impression that it was indeed so might be deepened; but if it were only designed to test the confident belief expressed to my companion on the occasion referred to, it might be so removed that. I might feel that I had yet something to do with the world. A direct answer was given, and immediately I was assured that it had only been permitted to assume all the plausibility spoken of, in order to bring the most tangible evidence to my mind, that I had not been mistaken in the belief I had so confidently expressed.

October 13. I have just returned from a visit to B____. The Lord has been with me during my absence from my beloved family, and imparted the strong and increasingly-confirming consolations of his Spirit. I started on the 24th, and went through a journey of about two hundred miles in one day, with comfort. A sweet, heavenly calmness, pervaded my mind during the day. Aware that the multiplicity of scenes through which I should pass were calculated to dissipate the mind, I sought unto God, and was enabled to repose most confidently on my almighty Savior. I carried in my hand a little book, entitled the "Believers' Inheritance," being a compilation of precious promises. "An inheritance indeed," responded my soul, as I feasted upon the exceeding great and precious promises. I had prayed much that the glare of outward circumstance might not be permitted to break in upon the quiet of my soul. The petition was answered to a degree beyond my expectations.

Seldom in the quietness of my own room has the peace of God that passeth all understanding been more absorbingly realized. It seemed but to close my eyes on outward things, in order to be in no ordinary degree alone with God. It was to this heavenly serenity of soul that I attributed, mainly, the little fatigue of body I felt in accomplishing the journey.

I was enabled to urge the subject of religion earnestly on the ladies' maid of the cars. She became deeply interested, and I am in expectation of seeing fruit of my labor in the eternal world, to the praise of God. I have often been greatly encouraged in similar attempts to be instant in season and out of season. Eternity alone can disclose the amount of good that may be accomplished by Christ's "little ones," if only faithful in the improvement of small opportunities for doing good. What a noble example was the sainted Carvosso!

Sabbath, 25th. It rained during the morning, which prevented my going to the Lord's house. I found an effort necessary to ward off the propensity to ordinary, or every-day topics in those around me. I am thankful that the Lord has laid his hand on me in reference to this subject. From a child I was taught to sanctify the Sabbath, and my associations of good, whether in relation to temporal or spiritual prosperity, were most religiously blended with a careful observance of this hallowed day. The Lord so blessed early parental admonitions, and the instructions of his blessed word to my infant heart, that I can scarcely remember the time when I was not influenced by the opinion, that if I thought or conversed on topics of mere worldly interest, I need not expect prosperity in the prosecution of the matter in contemplation

The Holy Spirit is just now urging upon my mind a period when this principle of right was so blended with that which was questionable, that it was hardly to be decided which way the scale at the time preponderated. I had been making quite extensive preparations for a New Year's festival. It was Saturday evening, December 31st. Fearful that I should be tempted to think my own thoughts on the Sabbath, if not all in readiness for the early calls anticipated on Monday, I concluded to forego the practice, to which I had been from childhood accustomed, of going to the sanctuary, and there, with the solemn assembly, renewing my covenant with God. But I thought I would most carefully devote the last hour of the expiring year to this purpose, at home. Before I was aware, I was admonished that but fifteen minutes remained, ere the new year would be ushered in; and the religious observances, which by the force of habit, I think, graciously formed, had become sacredly binding, still remained untouched. The Spirit, which had before been silently reproving, now chidingly appealed to my heart — "What! but this little remnant of the year to devote to the formation of new purposes, and the renewal of your covenant engagements with God ?" It was my heavenly Father who reproved, and I felt most painfully oppressed and grieved, from a review of the manner in which his superior claim upon this important hour had been resisted, and I scarcely dared to look up for help in this my time of need. But the hand of God was upon me, and I felt that it would be but a greater triumph for the adversary should I desist from entering into those engagements. Scarcely had this point been settled, before another formidable barrier presented. It was the fearful possibility of breaking the engagements, by the temptations that might be anticipated from the diversified society in which I was expecting to mingle on Monday! "Better is it that thou shouldst not vow, than that thou shouldst vow and not pay," said the enemy! But the Spirit urged upon my mind the solemn duty of vowing to God, and a careful performance of my vows; and with this powerful conviction, took the blessed, word and knelt before the Lord, with an indescribable sense of responsibility weighing down my spirit, which was penetrated with an unusual consciousness of innate helplessness. I began to pour out my soul thus: "O Lord! if thou wilt but give me something from thy word, to strengthen and encourage me, I will, through thy grace assisting me, take whatever thou wilt give, as my motto during the coming year." I then opened on these words, "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me!" O how my soul bounded! The word of the Lord was indeed the power of God unto my soul; and scarcely could I have had a stronger realization that this was indeed the voice of God to me, had it been spoken from heaven to the outward ear, as well as to the inmost soul. I now with delightful elasticity and firmness of spirit renewed my covenant engagements, and formed new purposes; a prominent one of which was, that I would be more zealous for the Lord of hosts than I had ever before been; and would take the earliest opportunity to inform my friends of the decision, in order that the temptations to retreat might be cut off as speedily as possible. This was an important period in my pilgrimage, from which I never retraced my way back to that degree of worldly-mindedness that would invest the etiquette of the day with a vitality sufficiently inspiring or captivating to draw off the energies of the Christian to its pigmy pursuits. In reference to all such things, I now think that the royal heir of heaven stands in such a commanding attitude before the world, that the dignity of his station fully justifies him in saying, "I am engaged in a great work, and cannot come down."

In the afternoon, went to C____ street church. Heard Mr. D____ preach a truly evangelical sermon. Yet there was an apathy, and a feeling of irresponsibility manifested by the congregation, that were really painful to me to witness. During singing, I observed that about half the assembly were sitting, and the others standing. I have not taken special pains to inform myself of the most Scriptural method for the regulation of public worship, from the impression that these are not the "weightier matters of the law," but I do feel persuaded that there is not only moral unseemliness, but Scriptural impropriety, in the listlessness of demeanor indulged in by various denominations of the present day. I have gone into churches that differ in these non-essentials, with an intention of conforming to the usage peculiar to the order, and on doing so have found myself singled out from the majority of the worshipers, and have afterward concluded, that if my example could not be conducive to uniformity, I would act in the case in accordance with my views of Scriptural propriety; and though perhaps the only one in the whole assembly besides the minister, who, like God's ancient servant, was kneeling, and with outstretched hands supplicating the mercy-seat, I have turned and knelt, determined that I would not approach the Majesty of heaven in such an attitude as I would not dare approach an earthly sovereign. In respect to many particular points of duty, the Scriptures do not furnish explicit precepts, but they do most expressly regulate everything by some one great commanding truth; and thus in reference to this subject it has been said, "Let all things be done decently and in order." And why should not this injunction be regarded as binding on individual professors? The same want of uniformity I have observed in other particulars among many who I think really love and revere the Sovereign of heaven and earth. Some will break in upon his worship, and attract the eye and heart of the unwary, by an unnecessarily late attendance. Others most unceremoniously place themselves in an attitude most favorable for repose, which would be regarded in ill taste in polite society. And should such unseemliness of action be indulged in in the presence of an earthly potentate, surely the aggressor would be spurned from his presence. And yet the avowed object of an attendance on the means of grace is to meet GOD — to worship and hold converse with him who is the blessed and only Potentate, the "King of kings and Lord of lords." Well might preachers of the present day say, with the preacher of olden time, "Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God," &c.

While at the meeting this afternoon, the Lord poured out the spirit of supplication upon me in an unusual manner. The cry of my heart was for a revival of Scriptural holiness in this place. It was a mighty struggle, but I was enabled, through the omnipotence of grace, to come off more than conqueror. I received the assurance that my petition had gone up before the throne, presented in the name of Jesus, and that I should have the desire of my heart.

Oct. 28. I went to meeting this evening with a soul longing for the courts of the Lord. There were but six or eight brethren present, and no females, with the exception of sisters E____ and myself. That faith that approaches near to God and claims present blessings seemed at a very low ebb. I do not think that one prayer or expression in anticipation of a present bestowment of the gift of holiness was uttered.

The expectations that were given in answer to the prayer of faith, on Sabbath afternoon, came forcibly to remembrance, and the inquiry was presented, "Are you willing to make every possible effort toward the accomplishment of this work?"

My soul replied, "I am not at my own disposal: body, soul and spirit, time talents, and influence, are thine:

"I'll follow on if thou command, All is well.'"

After joining in prayer, I told them of the manner in which my soul had been drawn out on Sabbath afternoon for a revival of holiness, and the way in which I felt the work might be accomplished, if they would but begin at once to be workers together with God, by having a commencement of it in the hearts of all present. I then stated, in a manner as concise as possible, the way in which the Lord had made me a witness of this grace — how it had affected me in reference to my usefulness to others, by the far more comprehensive views of responsibility which it had given me, and concluded by saying, that I could not but regard a revival in the hearts of God's professed people to be the necessary foundation for a thorough revival of the work of God in all its departments.

After I had finished, a brother arose and confessed that, some years since, he had been the happy possessor of the blessing of holiness, but did not long retain it, and knew, from experience, that it was, as the sister had said, just what was needed for our own happiness and safety, and also to capacitate us for usefulness to others, — and necessary in the church, as the foundation for a revival — and that he now felt unwilling to live any longer without it. He then earnestly asked all present to pray for him, that he might again be brought into the enjoyment of the blessing. The spirit of the meeting was greatly revived.

Oct. 30. Called today on a Christian brother, who has been exercised with severe affliction for several years past. We had a season of sweet refreshing, while conversing of the things that appertain to the kingdom; and also in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, God was eminently near. Two young ladies, professors, who were present, acknowledged that they were following God at a distance, and were greatly aroused, and resolved on endeavoring to live nearer to God.

While at supper, after our return, I was appealed to for a decision on a peculiar case. The name of a person of undoubted piety was mentioned, who had a short time previous lost a son at a distance from home. He had been a source of much painful solicitude, on account of his profligate habits, and was overtaken by death, at an unlooked-for hour, and left no evidence of having been truly regenerated. The fond mother, agonized at the thought of his having died unprepared, cried constantly to the Lord for some assurance of his safety, and on one occasion, while thus pleading, she became confident in her own mind that prayer was answered, and the perfect assurance given of his happiness. Two or three unconverted persons being present, I felt a sacred responsibility in giving an opinion, and was constrained to dissent from the sister, from the fact that she had started from wrong premises at the outset. Had she remembered that "secret things belong to God, and those that are revealed to ourselves and children," she would have seen that it was her province to be satisfied with the allotments of divine Providence, assured that the Judge of all the earth will do right. There are unalterable principles laid down in the word of God, by which the character of our requests must be regulated, or they are not recognized in the court of heaven. "This is the confidence we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he heareth us." This will is given in the written word. Any prayer that is not according to this, I can conceive of no shade of Scriptural propriety in presenting before the Lord. Such an applicant cannot have his plea so much as entered before the throne. The sword of the Spirit prevents access to the Judge, by the sentence, "to the law and to the testimony."

I know it may be said, that persons of undoubted piety (as of the sister in question) have had remarkable answers to prayer similar to that just given, and some, of whom I have heard, have received answers in what they have conceived to be a miraculous manner, in dreams, &c., that have been equally at variance with the Spirit of the word. At once they wrap themselves in the security of the belief thus attained, from the assurance that it was given in answer to prayer. Such persons are unmindful of the fact, that if they wander in any degree from the direct way, marked out in the only chart God has given, they are left exposed to any infatuation that an insatiable, exceedingly subtle enemy can invent. The higher the profession and weight of religious influence, the more extensive and commanding the harm. Is it impossible that an enemy, who even quoted Scripture to the Savior, to suit his purpose, can so transform himself into an angel of light, as to answer a prayer which had its origin on his own premises? and if it is off the direct line of the written word, it surely is in a proportionate degree on his own ground, and however startling the truth, it is but reasonable to expect that he would respond, and answer it in just the way that would be likely to assume the most plausibility. I have really thought that Satan made use of a stratagem to keep some persons from continuing to agonize for their unconverted friends, by instigating them to pray for the assurance that they would eventually be saved. The answer is given — and the agony ceases. Meanwhile the friends continue sinning, and the WORD continues to declare, "The soul that sinneth, it shall die." The error lies in over-leaping the bounds God hath set. And when this is done, delusion is inevitable. There is no subject relative to which I have more ardently desired to be a living epistle, than in reference to the infinite importance, excellency, and comprehensiveness of the word of God. I do indeed regard it as a sufficient rule for faith and practice. I wonder why the absolute importance of searching the Scriptures, in order, by a careful study, to show ourselves approved in the sight of God and man, is not more urged, from the pulpit and the press.

We have no right to think that we shall be "thoroughly furnished unto every good work," or to conceive ourselves otherwise than liable to be carried about by every wind of doctrine, without a careful searching and "comparing of scripture with scripture," which surely implies something more than mere reading. And I most conscientiously believe, and my feelings and judgment bear me out in affirming, that there is no subject relative to which the world of professing Christians, on waking up in the spiritual world, will find themselves to have been more mistaken than in reference to this. It seems to me as if the various subterfuges to which men of otherwise enlightened judgment betake themselves as a substitute for the blessed word, must indeed be most amazing in the eyes of those spiritual intelligences by which we are surrounded. What a strange, God-dishonoring position it is, to acknowledge the Bible as the word of God, and yet suffer ourselves to be governed by our own feelings — the views, experience, and traditions of others, in reference to it, while we are every moment liable to be called into the other world, to answer for ourselves, and be judged by our individual conformity to its precepts!

But are we to reject all manifestations from God, or answers to prayer, that may be given in dreams or visions of the night? The spirit of the word settles this matter. From the earliest, down to the latest period, God hath spoken to his people in this manner. As well might we deny any other part of divine revelation, as to deny this. Witness:— God said to Abraham in a dream, "Yea, I know thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart," &c. Genesis xx, 6. Jacob had a dream in Bethel of the ladder that reached from earth to heaven. "And the Lord stood above it, and said, I am the Lord God of Abraham thy father," &c. Gen. xxviii, 10-15. Jacob tells Laban of yet another time when God spoke to him in a dream on a subject quite dissimilar from the former. Gen. xxxi, 11-13. And to show that God does not confine his communications to his chosen people, he speaks to Laban in a dream, and says to him, "Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob, either good or bad." Ver. 24. God spake to the butler and baker. Gen. xl. Also to Pharaoh. Gen. xli. God speaking to Aaron and Miriam, says, "If there be a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream," &c. "The Lord appeared unto Solomon in a dream by night, and said, Ask what I shall give thee." Solomon made his choice, and God granted his request, and "he awoke, and behold it was a dream!" 1 Kings iii, 5-15. Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel iv) and the wife of Pilate (Matt. xxvii, 1 9) were forewarned by God of impending judgments by a dream. "An angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not," &c. Matt. i, 20. The wise men were "warned of God in a dream, that they should not return to Herod." Matt. ii, 12. "An angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph, in Egypt." Matt. ii, 19. But why enumerate? Most explicit declarations from God place the matter beyond doubt. "For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed: then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, that he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man." Job xxxiii, 14-17.

Early under the Christian dispensation, God invested the subject with still higher claims, if possible, upon the attention of man, by the declaration, "And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams." And yet the subject, though standing in such a commanding attitude, is seemingly liable to so much abuse, that it has become disreputable for God's servants to say, in the present day, "God spake to me in a dream, or vision of the night." And why is it thus? Is it not because the SCRIPTURE (the plain, naked word of God) is not brought to the ordeal of a personal, diligent, careful investigation? Books of every diversity of sentiment, and men of every manner of opinion are consulted, and then the precious, neglected, insulted WORD, is too often submitted to the ordeal thus erroneously begotten. I here most solemnly protest, "in the sight of God who quickeneth all things, and before Jesus Christ," that in obedience to the most confirmed convictions of duty, from the awful deference and honor due the HOLY SPIRIT, I have felt sacredly bound, in preparing myself for my Bible class exercises, and in the devotions of the closet, first to take the naked, unadorned word upon my knees in the presence of God, in order to have my mind primarily preoccupied with the teachings of the Holy Spirit, before it was submitted to the dictations of men, however learned or good. With deep abasement before God, I would also state, that not infrequently I have gone as a simple little child, conscious of perfect ignorance, and of a liability to embrace the most egregious error, if left one moment unprotected by a superior wisdom and guidance; and believing that "all Scripture is given by inspiration, and is profitable for doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness," have asked, relative to portions of the word that I could not at once apprehend, direct and special illumination, and it has been given. After having thus sought unto God, I have conscientiously made use of every available help, and God has blessed me greatly in meeting with sentiments not only corroborative of those already received, but also helpful toward still further illumination.

Some who may have been despoiled of some long-cherished hope, by the promulgation of such sentiments as those with which I commenced my present reflections, may be disposed to say, perchance chidingly, as anticipated in ancient time, (Deut. xviii, 21,) "How shall we know the word which the Lord hath not spoken," if expectations so sincerely begotten, are so exceedingly dubious? The ever-unalterable principles regulating the government of God, as laid down in the WORD, are so distinct, compact, and comprehensive, that I have never yet, in all my experience, found one case but what has been touched, neither do I ever expect to find one; and were I expecting my pilgrimage to be lengthened out to the age of Methuselah, and temptations from the world, the flesh, and Satan, to increase continually in poignancy, and subtlety of invention, and spirits of darkness to thicken in numbers, for the mighty conflict, I think I should not need any other shield or weapon than the word of God — the sword of the Spirit. Furnished with this, every man is invested with power, not only to fight his own battles, but to plead his own cause. How unlike earthly tribunals is the court of heaven? It is seldom we hear of an individual sufficiently acquainted with the technicalities of law to assume the responsibility of pleading his own cause, and few are possessed of the faculties, had they the disposition; but here, with the Holy Spirit for his teacher, the most humble believer may, by having skillfully wielded the sword of the Spirit, and made his way through every conceivable difficulty, come up thus thoroughly furnished before the throne — present his cause, and be as truly shielded from insult, neglect, or rejection, as though he were clothed with the person of Christ. Scriptural demonstration asserts that he is clothed with Christ. Shielded by the atonement, he is in verity as impervious to the assaults of the enemy, as He who is called in the ever-blessed Bible; "THE FAITHFUL AND TRUE WITNESS — THE WORD OF GOD."

Tuesday. I again attended Rev. Mr._____'s class. The Lord has doubtless commenced a good work in very many souls here, but it is surprising that I hear so little about holiness, as a present attainment, or as within the reach of the believer,, as though it were not a distinctive feature in our economy. The fact of its being so, is surely a tremendous consideration. It was asked in ancient time, "What profit hath the Jew?" and the reply, "Much every way," is surely an answer that should sink with fearful weight into the ear and heart of every Methodist, circumstanced as we are in the order of God, in reference to this subject. The fact of having received, from God, through such men as Wesley, Fletcher, Nelson, Bramwell, and a host of other heaven-owned luminaries, this glorious doctrine, as revealed in the blessed word, throws a weight of responsibility, most tremendous in magnitude, upon our ministry and people.

I sometimes fear that the nature and depth of the obligations thus imposed will not be fully realized until the clear light of eternity shall disclose the subject in all its bearings. I verily believe that when God thrust the Wesleys out to raise a holy people, and we became a distinct organization, with men of such simple, childlike, enlightened and yet noble piety, under God, at the head of our ecclesiastical affairs, that he really intended that we should retain more of those distinctive features by which our economy is characterized, as dissimilar in doctrine and usage from other evangelical bodies. I know it is thought by many of our warm admirers, that we, as a people, have but received the polish inevitable from oft-repeated usage, having only lost in that which was deemed unseemly and rough, and quite unsuited to the enterprise of the age. If the refining fire — the Spirit of holiness — were more signally blended with all our operations, and lighting down upon our assemblies more now, than in ancient time, I might think so too; but it is the Spirit that giveth life, and that Spirit can only be cherished by the unostentatious, careful, humble, childlike dependence on God, that led the fathers of Methodism to discountenance the glare of the world — that made Wesley say, by precept and example, that he was afraid of the rich, not but that he would tolerate them, for some of his friends were the titled dignitaries of the day; but the tide of mere worldly popularity, it is well known, he took the utmost pains to ward off. Weight in piety, not in numbers, was the design most evident, and the most striking feature standing out on the face of the economy of which he was, under God, the originator.

Rev. Mr.____, the pastor of this charge, has been on my mind almost day and night, since the first of my coming to this place. He is an able minister of the New Testament, but O! how much he needs that his lips should be touched with a live coal from off the hallowed altar! The more I trace the hand of God in his usual mode of working with the people, the more I see the necessity of his appointed ambassadors being experimental witnesses of the attainableness of what they proclaim. The experience of one such goes further toward bringing others on the same ground, than the most labored theories of many, unable to say, "We speak that we know, and testify of that we have seen."

A pleasing exhibition of the justness of these observations was given me by a beloved friend. in the statement of her experience. Her early religious associations were with a denomination unfavorable to the doctrine of holiness as admitted by our people. But she began to seek most earnestly for a state of entire conformity to the will of God, and having been informed that there was a people who held to the possibility of attaining such a state, she sought them out, and united in church fellowship with them. She now heard holiness spoken of as a Bible doctrine, and her soul was greatly strengthened and encouraged in the pursuit, yet she earnestly desired to hear some one say, "I know it — I feel it."

At length her wish was gratified. She had resorted to a camp meeting with the hope of being more fully informed, not only by pulpit ministration, and Biblical exposition, but by the concurrence of living testimony; and it was for the latter that she most greatly longed. Her heart had already assented to the commanding truth that holiness is a Bible doctrine. The Lord in great mercy moved the spirit of one of his chosen servants to discourse most sweetly on the nature and privilege of a state of holiness. "O," thought she, " if I could only now hear him say, `I enjoy it,' I should be satisfied."

Soon afterward, as if moved by a divine impulse, with a holy heroism he lifted up to the gaze of the eager multitude the chart containing his commission — the Book of books. "O," said he, "I do not only proclaim this glorious doctrine to you from this blessed book, but I have it here," -and then reaching forth the Bible toward the weeping assembly, and placing his hand upon a heart bursting with emotion, he repeated — " I have it here." "It is enough," she exclaimed. That evening, her longing soul was brought into the way of holiness.

One evening this week, I met with Mrs. ____, a person of sincere piety, with whom I think I should have enjoyed unmingled pleasure, had it not been for her propensity to indulge in the habit of speaking lightly of the ministry. I revere the sacred office. I fully believe that our ministry generally have been moved by the Holy Ghost to preach the gospel. If so, they are invested with responsibilities of infinite magnitude. As ambassadors from the court of heaven, they receive their commission from the King of kings. An ambassador from an earthly monarch is deemed honorable according to the degree of responsibility with which he is invested, and the dignity of the throne which he represents, and to which he is amenable for a faithful delivery of his embassy. An ignominious reception of his message, or dishonor cast upon his person, is regarded as done unto the throne which he represents. and thus, doubtless, will the King of heaven hold those individuals or communities responsible who lightly esteem or disadvantageously speak of those legally-authorized ambassadors from the court of heaven, whom he hath commissioned to stand in Christ's stead, to beseech men to be reconciled to God.

The day of eternity will doubtless reveal that many a message of mercy has been rejected by the lost sinner, from the fact that his heart had been rendered impervious by slanderous reports or whisperings of "lowness of piety," or nameless disqualifications some of which may have gained currency, or received the sanction of silence from those who profess the name of Christ. God has assured my heart that men are answerable for truth, from whatever source it comes; and in reference to those whom he hath anointed and sent forth to preach the everlasting gospel, he hath written upon my inmost soul, "Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm." From an indulgence in this evil, many unquestionably suffer the displeasure of the King of glory, bring barrenness upon their own souls, and incur the awful responsibility of being instrumental of inducing a rejection of God's message.

On Tuesday evening, Miss ____, an amiable young lady, called to see me. Her mind has been deeply interested for some time on the subject of holiness. I lifted my heart to the Lord for a word in season, and God gave an immediate answer. I was quite unacquainted with her circumstances in life, and consequently unapprised of the temptations peculiar to her case, but began to assure her of the faithfulness of God, in the speedy performance of his own part of the work, as soon as she was willing to comply with the conditions. I then related to her the experience of a young lady, with whom I had been familiar, who seemed greatly to desire the blessing of holiness; but on trying to pray with her for a present bestowment of the blessing, I could feel no liberty, and became assured in my own mind that some insuperable barrier was standing between God and her soul. With much hesitation, she afterward informed me that she was contemplating a marriage engagement with a young gentleman not professing religion. The mystery was at once solved, and I assured her that unless it was already made, her aspirations for present holiness and future felicity also would be futile, if she persisted in the prosecution of the affair. She received the statement of my views with a heavy heart, and I feared that this important crisis in her experience was to be but the turning point for a fearful plunge into the fatal vortex of mere worldly-minded profession. But grace ordered it otherwise; the struggle ended the next evening -the idol was given up, and the victory was, beyond expectation, glorious. The Lord condescended to take her into very close communion with himself, and she really looked as if the signature of God, the stamp of holiness, had been written upon her very countenance; and from that time, she became a decided, zealous, and useful traveler in the King's highway.

While I was giving this recital to the interesting young friend, her countenance bespoke a heart greatly disquieted, and, with much embarrassment, she informed me that a case of precisely the same interest was pending with herself. At once I saw that the Lord had indeed. in answer to prayer, given "a word in. season." The advice was made instrumental in frustrating the designs of the tempter, — her feet were turned from the vortex, which had been well nigh reached, and she also became a happy, and useful, and deeply-interesting traveler in the King's highway.

Wednesday. The election of city officers has been so intensely absorbing with every class of the community, since I have been here, that but little time has been left for conversation on any other subject. I have been thinking if we could take the interest manifested by the Christian community apart, and concentrate it on some definite pursuit of praiseworthy benevolence — say, to the promotion of a revival, in personal or individual experience — what glorious results might follow! Doubtless it would terminate in many a name being enrolled under the banner of Immanuel — in the book of life — and in many an election being made sure which before was exceedingly dubious.

I do not object to Christians zealously interesting themselves on the subject of appointing "the powers that be." If the Scriptures enjoin the duty of not resisting them, surely it is greatly desirable to have such as our Christian judgment can acknowledge to be "ministers of God to us for good." But how few professors seem to apprehend the obligation imposed by apostolic exhortation, "that first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men for all that are in authority, that we may lend a quiet and peaceable life!" They seem to forget that the powers that be are ordained by God, and also of the divine injunction, "Speak evil of no man," and act upon the assumption that they are to make use of the same carnal weapons, and wield them also in the same manner as is practiced by the mere worldling. May it not be in part attributable to these mistaken views and conduct, that few Christian men go through the ordeal of zealous electioneering, or an election to office, unharmed by the fire?

Sabbath. This was a day of extraordinary trial. My ever-watchful foe seemed to have found out new premises to work upon. I really felt as if continually surrounded by


"Legions of dire, malicious fiends."

The main effort on the part of my enemies was directed toward the answer to prayer which I had received for a revival of the work of holiness in this place on the first Sabbath after I came here. I had not yet seen, as evidently as had anticipated, the answer to my prayer, and this was the ground that the enemy took to work upon. Never before do I remember to have felt the necessity of looking well to the things I had prospectively gained by way of answer to prayer, in reference to others, as well as to blessings in actual possession. The contest continued with unabated fury until late at night, and my enemies would have intimidated me from taking the repose which my health much needed, by the insinuation that I should yet be despoiled of my confidence, had it not been for the inspiring hope given by the blessed word, assuring me that more were they that were for me, than all that were against me. The Captain of my salvation — the Lord of hosts — my condescending God — gave me a signal and glorious victory during my sleep.

I dreamed that I was at a church which I had not been accustomed to attend in this place the seats were densely crowded with an assembly of fervent worshipers, all silently, yet with unutterable intensity, supplicating God. The hour had arrived when I must depart, and I arose amid the praying multitude, as one alone to leave. Instead of going out in the usual way, passed up the aisle to the altar, where, to my astonishment, several kneeling suppliants were bowed, earnestly groaning in subdued tones for the blessing of holiness. I was much moved at the unexpected sight, and exclaimed, "What! all this and I not know it ?" I rejoiced in spirit, and endeavored to encourage them, so long as my haste would permit, and then passed along before the altar, with the intention of going down the extreme aisle to the door, when my progress was again impeded by a still larger and yet more fervent company of suppliants, all imploring in unutterable groanings the blessing of holiness. I was almost overcome with wonder and gratitude, and exclaimed, "Can it be?" when the Spirit said to my heart, "This is the answer to your prayer!" It was too much, and I sat down and gave vent to my overwhelming joy in tears — when one most beseechingly said, "O sister ____," calling me by name, "do pray," and the vision fled. Joy unspeakable and full of glory now filled my soul. Every enemy was vanquished, and not one lingering temptation left to doubt that God had heard and was already answering my prayer.

On Monday evening I attended love-feast in ____ street church. The individual for whom I had been so prayerfully interested during the whole of my visit, and very especially during the evening, rose at the close of the meeting to speak. Had he been invested with power to read the emotions of my heart for the several preceding days, and during the evening, and then sought words to express those emotions, he could scarcely have said anything more satisfactory, with the exception that he had not yet received the witness of holiness. The Lord had given me the earnest during the night previous, but now the full tide of joy ran so high, that my soul was unutterably filled with glory and with God. Soon afterward, he received the direct assurance, and was instrumental in an extensive revival of the work of God.

That night, on my return home, I was taken unexpectedly ill. The symptoms were so alarming that I began to anticipate the trial of being unable to reach my beloved home. I realized a perfect resignation to the will of God, but felt that he did not chide me when I asked, that if consistent with his will, the hand of disease might be arrested, that I might be permitted to undertake my contemplated journey homeward on the morrow.

The Lord heard and answered the petition, and I found myself surprisingly better in the morning, and quite able to undertake the journey. Yet the state of my health since my return has been quite precarious, and I am brought to the test of being willing to suffer as well as to do the will of God. The circumstances of my health, and the peculiar trials by which my faith has been exercised of late, have inclined me to feel as if the Lord was about to take me home. To the glory of his grace, I can state that I have not one wish apart from the will of God. He is my all in all -the center of my existence — the Alpha and the Omega — the beginning and the end — the first and the last.

Nov. 11. I feel in blessed realization that I dwell in God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, hath both the Father and the Son. The Spirit taketh of the things of God, and revealeth them unto me, and I enjoy a blessed consciousness that I am not only enabled to abide in the doctrine of Christ, but daily to become more established, and my heart is indeed made the abode of the Triune Deity.

Should the veil of mortality at any moment fall, and introduce me into the sensible presence of Him whom my soul loveth, it seems to me as if my enraptured spirit could not be taken by surprise; heaven appears to be so nearly allied to earth. And is it indeed so! Am I so near to Jesus, and angels, and glorified spirits?

O yes! the blessed word even now most assuringly whispers the certainty to my heart — the sure word of prophecy — the voice of revelation tells me, that these blessed assurances are not the mere imaginings of an over-excited mind. Blessed beyond all that the mind can conceive is the state of that soul, who, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, hath entered within the veil. "Ye are come unto Mount Zion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels, to the general assembly and church of the first-born, which are written in heaven, and to God the judge of all, and to the. spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling." Who can portray the glory of the believer's inheritance, even on this side Jordan! There is a rest for the people of God, and we who believe do enter into rest:


"A land of rest from inbred sin, A land of perfect holiness."

O the impotence of words! how inadequately does mortal language avail toward describing the privileges — the rich immunities — the unending felicities, of the happy believer, who has had "boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which he hath consecrated for us through the veil!" Abiding here, "thy sun shall no more go down; neither shall thy moon withdraw itself for the Lord shall be thy light." "No more shall thy land be termed Desolate; but thou shalt be called Hepzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the Lord delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married." Yes, married — united in everlasting oneness with Christ.

Ever since I entered into the way of holiness, I have been blessed with the abiding presence of my Savior. I do not mean that I have always had equally sensible assurances of his love; yet I have not seen one moment since, when I have not known that the Sun of righteousness was shining upon my heart; and I have been enabled to testify that my Savior was with me, working in me to will and do his good pleasure; and conscious that the trial of my faith was precious, I have even rejoiced in tribulation. Often have I thought of this delightsome land, as Pilgrim's land of Beulah. The sun does not go down by day, neither doth the moon withdraw her light. O for power to exhibit its blessedness, and by my life to bring forth its fruits!

Nov. 13. I have been encouraged in my endeavors to be instant in season and out of season, by the experience of brother W____ a member of my husband's class. He had been telling the manner in which he had directed a penitent to Christ, and exhibited much clearness of views in explaining faith to the humble seeker. Brother W____ had for some time been an earnest inquirer after full salvation, and only needed to carry out in his experience the same views he had presented to the penitent. I felt that I could almost upbraid him with the suggestion, that he required more faith of the penitent than he was himself willing to exercise. He acknowledged his error. While I was asking if he was now willing to present all, whether known or unknown, he detected just where his failure had been. He had found but little difficulty in offering up all to God, as far as he knew, but he imagined something in the future, or something unknown, which possibly might not have been given up. That evening, on returning from the class-room, he was enabled to present all, whether known or unknown, resolved to trust for the present, and leave the future with God. With that violence which the kingdom of heaven suffereth, he was enabled to lay hold upon the promise, "I will receive you," and at once felt that he was sanctified through the belief of the truth. "Sanctify them through thy truth," was now a prayer most understandingly apprehended in his experience. On laying hold upon this promise, he found the word of the immutable Jehovah possessed of a soul-quickening, sin-destroying power. In keeping hold of it, he proved that there was virtue in the very touch, and its renovating influence ran through soul and body. In continuing to grasp it with a holy violence, the truth, as to the manner by which he, as a worker together with God., was to cleanse himself from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and perfect holiness in the fear of God, was sweetly opened to his understanding. He could now sing in a manner not before apprehended,


"I cannot wash my heart, But by believing thee."

On Thursday evening last he bore a noble testimony in class-meeting, and bids fair to be very helpful in leading others into the way of holiness. How strange that such indefinite views, relative to the duty of believing, should prevail! If God had left it optional with ourselves, whether we would believe or otherwise, then there were some excuse for this indefiniteness and long lingering.

But now that God. hath placed the promises fully within our reach, and saith the WORD is nigh thee, "even in thy mouth, and in thy heart," and in most explicit admonition instructs as to the manner in which we are to use this precious word and prove its efficiency — "Having these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God" — what excuse remains for so much indefiniteness relative to the enjoyment of holiness! I know it is a common observation, that "this and the other individual must enjoy a state of holiness, though from an unconsciousness of it they do not profess it." But how can these individuals cleanse themselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, unless they lay hold upon the promises? and to lay hold upon them implies an act on the part of the creature, which he cannot be unconscious of. That violence must be used which the kingdom of heaven suffereth, — .


"The heavenly kingdom suffers force -`Tis seized with violent hands."

And can this force be exercised without a consciousness on the part of the individual, when


"Legions of wily fiends oppose?"

Can he lay hold, and maintain the shield of faith with an indefiniteness of feeling, and expression, which the fact of never saying anything about it would seem to imply?

I must confess, when it is said to me, "Such a person must enjoy the blessing, though he may not know it; or, he must enjoy the blessing, although he does not profess it," &c., I cannot well understand: I must be better informed relative to the Bible mode of attaining and retaining, before I can believe it.

For a long time past it has been a solemn, settled conviction with me, that the reason why more sincerely pious persons do not attain the witness that the blood of Jesus cleanseth, is for want of bringing the matter to a point, and then deciding with energy and perseverance, I must and will have it now. Many, doubtless, standing in an official relation to Christ's visible body, where important trusts are committed, sincerely conceive that their diversified cares will not admit of absorption in these that may be deemed minor points in individual experience. Had the Wesleys or a Fletcher thought so, what a glorious doctrine might still have been withheld from the world! And now that a mighty people hath been raised through their instrumentality; a people whose distinctive peculiarity is their belief in the attainableness of holiness in the present life; can any matter, however extensive in bearing, stand in such close, vital connection with the well-being of the church as this? The more influential the station, the more commanding is the demand for explicit personal testimony. When Wesley, in his first conferences, made the subject of sanctification matter of earliest investigation and admonition, had a subtle reasoner said, "It is true, that you, as the founder of this sect, have ever presented the attainment of holiness in the present life as one of your fundamental principles, but you have never given us any reason to believe that you have experimentally proved its attainableness in the present life;" would not his admonitions have been comparatively futile?

The Savior gives a lesson on the importance of earnestness and explicitness: "Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves." Notwithstanding the unseasonableness of the hour, and the unwillingness of your friend, you continue to importune, until at last your friend rises and gives just as many as you need. As much as if the Savior had said, Ask for precisely what you need, importune for it, and then expect the identical thing which you have asked for. "If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will be give him a stone?" But it is not implied that this petitioner would have received just what he desired had he been less importunate or less explicit.

How truly have I had occasion to observe that God is no respecter of persons in dispensing his gifts! I have seen those occupying an exalted position in the religious and literary world, manifesting the docility of a little child, willingly and even gladly submitting to the simple dictations of the most humble disciples of Jesus.

I knew one who had for many years made theology an absorbing study, and had wrapped himself in almost unapproachable dignity, who became convinced, mainly from reading the Scriptures, that holiness is a Bible doctrine. He knew of a denomination, whom in his heart he had despised, who held holiness as an important doctrine in their creed, and in humbleness of mind he hastened to a minister of that denomination, and asked to be directed to a witness of holiness. The minister manifested some embarrassment, and then said, `To speak candidly, sir, I do not encourage my people in explicit testimony on this subject. One of my members makes the profession of living in the enjoyment of this state, but she is at present away on a visit from this place."

The disappointed theologian turned away grieved and astonished; but truth had taken hold upon his mind, and the disappointment, though vexatious, did not wholly paralyze his energies, or unsettle his belief in holiness as a Bible doctrine.

Some time afterward, several ministers of his own denomination, like-minded with himself, convened a meeting in order to obtain explicit testimony on the subject. One of the Savior's little ones, hearing of the convention, went, and gave in a simple, unsophisticated testimony, relative to the manner in which she had been brought to prove Christ as a Savior, able to save to the uttermost. The Lord made the simple testimony a word in season to the theologian. Weeks intervened, but the humble testimony continued absorbingly before his mind. He returned to the city, where the female resided, and sought out her abode

She again presented the way of simple faith, and told him when he actually came to the point and laid all upon the altar, it was his duty to lay hold upon the promise, "I will receive you." he did lay hold, and spent almost the entire of that night, the next day, and the ensuing night, in laboring to assure his heart before God. It seemed as if principalities and powers were


"In mighty phalanx join'd,"

to withstand him, and to wrest from him the shield of faith. Ever and anon, during this severe trial of his faith, as he was tempted to unloose his grasp, the Spirit would appealingly say, "He that believeth not, maketh God a liar!" and fear of the awful sin of unbelief deterred him from yielding the point. On the third day, a perfect calm succeeded, and peace reigned throughout all his borders, every enemy was vanquished, and Christ was all in all.

On the same day he went to an assembly of divines, and with other lovers of holiness, who convened in a neighboring city, told them of the mighty victory of faith; and through his testimony on that day another theologian entered into the rest of perfect love.

Conversing with a minister on one occasion, who had long felt it his duty to believe, and enter into the rest of perfect love, he acknowledged that he saw but one way of entering into the enjoyment of the blessing. I had just been presenting that one way, and he replied, — "I know that it is indeed just so: there is no other way; and I often think how it would be with me, if I knew I was about to pass into the other world. I know `without holiness no man shall see the Lord,' and it seems to me as if I should then, with a desperate venture, throw myself upon the infinite merit of the atonement; and I know I should be fully saved. I often ask myself, why I cannot do it now? but I cannot bring myself to the point. Something seems to hinder, as though it were impossible; and yet I know it is not."

I said in return:— "Unless you make this desperate venture, brother, you will never be a witness of the power of Christ to save unto the uttermost. All who have been brought into a state of full salvation have had to make it; and unless you bring yourself to this desperate venture, which you anticipate in the hour of death, at an earlier period, the cause of holiness will be robbed of your testimony. Many, not half as willing to be holy as yourself, convinced of your sincerity as a seeker of full salvation, will conclude, from your example, that the command, `Be ye holy,' is hard to be complied with, and will give the matter up in discouragement; and thus instead of saying, by your persuasive example, `We are well able to go up and possess the good land,' you, as did the unbelieving spies, will also exercise a dissuasive influence."

Years have since passed, and that brother still occupies the same disheartening position.

November 14. Yesterday, temptations ran high, but, by the power of all-conquering grace, I was sustained. The suggestion was continually urged upon my mind that I had in some way unknowingly offended. I was enabled to keep hold on the word. "If in anything ye be otherwise minded, God will reveal even this unto you." My heart was continually saying, "Though I die, will I not remove my integrity from me." In my tribulation I was not left utterly joyless. Hope as an anchor continued steadfast within the veil. Though the buffetings from my enemy were continual and severe, yet he did not succeed once in fastening condemnation on my mind. I constantly and consciously kept all upon the altar, and,

"In hope believing against hope,"

succeeded, through the skill of my heavenly Pilot, in weathering out the storm. On this occasion, I was assailed with a variety of temptations, new and perplexing, but already have I proved the trial of my faith "precious." New lessons of grace have been learned, which I greatly prize. Thus it is that the wrath of my enemies praises Him. In how many ways does the Lord permit me to prove that his "word is TRUTH!"

December 13. "I think the Lord requires so much faith of me," said a dear sister, today. She had indeed been exercised with very severe trials. I took sweet satisfaction in assuring her that God never tries grace which he has not given. I endeavored to go through with an enumeration of the trials of Abraham's faith, for the admonition of this dear friend, and seldom have felt my own heart more instructed and strengthened than on this occasion, in reviewing the example of the father of the faithful. We were mutually encouraged by the example of him who, being dead, yet speaketh, and with higher hopes, and stronger faith, resolved to


" — travel all the length Of the celestial road."

The case of this friend is in several respects very instructive. She is possessed of more than ordinary intelligence, but for several years was a confirmed infidel. She became skeptical from observing the little effect a profession of religion had on the mind and habits of professors. In her youthful days, she was for some time united in church fellowship with a denomination where a profession of holiness would have been thought fanatical. She took a deliberate survey of the religion of the Bible, its demands and promises, and felt that her own experience was not answerable to it, and on looking-on the mass of professors by which she was surrounded, she saw so little to authorize the idea that they really believed what they professed, that she gradually gave way to infidelity. About two years since, she fell in the way of my husband in one of his professional visits. Her case furnishes a striking confutation of the idea that the doctrine of holiness cannot be understood or appreciated by the unbeliever. He was in the sick room of a professor of religion, and he discoursed about holiness. "That sounds to me like the religion of the Bible, and if I could only see such religion carried out in the lives of those who profess to believe the Bible, I would surely give up my infidelity," said Mrs. P____. She soon found that there were those who by their lives exemplified all they professed, and became established in the truth of the Christian religion. It was but a short time afterward that she was brought to experience its renovating influences. About three or four months she continued, though a lamb of the fold, to company with those who had taken the higher walk of the Christian, and one day when at the Tuesday meeting, while the way of faith was being explained, by alluding to the example of Abraham, (Genesis xv,) she was enabled to bring the sacrifice of all her redeemed powers in obedience to the command of God, Rom. xii, 1. She judged him faithful who had promised, laid the offering upon the altar, and waited for the descent of the heavenly fire. This she was informed was the Lord's part of the work — the sacrifice was his property the moment it was laid upon the altar, and though the consuming fire might seem to tarry long, as in the case of Abraham, yet all she had to do was to keep the sacrifice upon the Lord's ALTAR, and, as the Lord's property, guard it from the touch of pollution. She did so, and with several others joined in singing the solemn words of the consecration hymn


"Lord, in the strength of grace,
With a glad heart and free,
Myself, my residue of days
I consecrate to thee.

"Thy ransomed servant, I,
Restore to thee thine own;
And from this moment, live or die,
To serve my God alone."

The covenant was ratified in heaven, and from that hour she was enabled to testify, unwaveringly, of the blessedness of a state of holiness. On the succeeding Thursday afternoon, at class meeting, she desired me to give the illustration of the way of faith which had been given on Tuesday. She had brought with her a friend, who had been won from the ranks of infidelity to the cross of Christ, through her instrumentality, and she greatly desired her friend should see the simplicity of the way of holiness. I endeavored to present it in a similar manner, and Mrs. F. was also enabled to lay her all upon the altar, and believe God, and ever since has been enabled to bring forth the fruits of holiness. From these dear Christian friends the blessed heritage of the believer has not been withheld: " Unto them it has been given in behalf of Christ, not only to believe on his name, but also to suffer for his sake." Few could with greater propriety say, " The Lord requires so much faith of me." Diversified trials have assailed them: "the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew," and in the midst of all they have stood, incontrovertibly evidencing the blessedness of the assurance, that "it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace." had their friends yielded to the mistaken idea that the doctrine of holiness is too strong meat for babes in Christ, these individuals would doubtless, during their early experience, have remained comparatively uninstructed in the doctrine of holiness, and when assailed by these storms of persecution, little probability remains but that the superstructure of their religious profession would have fallen, to the triumph of infidelity.

These dear friends cannot now conceive of the requirements of the Bible being answered in anything less than holiness. And they think of conversion as a point in experience, from which the believer is required by the word to go forward directly into the promised land — the rest of faith. Soon after Mrs. P____'s conversion, she brought her father to a meeting where testimony on the experience of holiness was the absorbing topic. Over sixty years he had lived in infidelity, but from the testimony that evening adduced, he became a convert to Christianity, and shortly afterward resigned himself wholly to Christ, and has since eminently adorned the doctrine of God his Savior. One could hardly forbear thinking of a Carvosso in witnessing his whole-heartedness in the cause of his Redeemer. He has since gone moat triumphantly home to heaven, witnessing, to the last, the excellency of holiness.

A sister of Mrs. P____ also, who had become settled in the principles of infidelity, from the, idea that Christians do not really believe what they profess, was also brought to the Tuesday and Saturday night meetings, and from an exhibition of what she had conceived Bible religion demanded, she also gave up her infidelity, (for which she had for years been quite a champion,) and soon experienced religion. But her mind was fully purposed on nothing less than full salvation from all sin. She was brought most understandingly and interestingly into the enjoyment of the witness of holiness, and has since, with her sister, been very instrumental in bringing others into the way. Had not holiness been presented as a Bible doctrine to these individuals, even when in their unconverted state, they would have remained infidels. And they became infidels by not seeing holiness carried out in the lives of professors. What a lesson do these cases furnish to those who consider holiness such a high doctrine of our creed, that they but seldom, in their ministrations, present it! And how admonitory to unholy professors also! Alas! how many such have been the means of making infidels!

O how needful that judgment begin at the house of God, relative to this subject! Mr. Wesley apprehended its importance perhaps more fully than some of his sons in the gospel, as his last advice most clearly exhibits. It reads thus: "Therefore, all our preachers should make a point of preaching perfection to believers, constantly — strongly- — and explicitly, and all believers should mind this one thing, and continually agonize for it."

December 24. The circumstances of my health of late have led me to think much about exchanging worlds. I rejoice to say I can look to the future, without fearful forebodings. What a victory hath grace gained! A few years since, when in similar circumstances, how dissimilar was my experience! A consciousness that I had not been wholly devoted to God, and had not made the purposes of life subservient to the one great object of laying up treasure in heaven, made everything relative to the future appear dismal. When the trial came, and I was so extremely ill that my life was despaired of, O, with what inexpressible regret did I look back upon the history of my life! I thought of the abundant entrance that might have been administered unto me into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As I heard a little girl crying "Blackberries for sale," passing my window I thought how gladly would I live, though it were only to be as that little girl, so that I might say beseechingly to each passing stranger, "Love my Jesus!" But who will thank the Lord that I have lived? `What have I done toward helping others to heaven?'

There was but one thing that I could with satisfaction contemplate; and that was just what the enemy had tempted me most sorely about when in health. I had ever felt that if I had a talent to be in the least degree useful by the way of writing, that God required the use of it in his own service, and to use it otherwise would be desecration. When I tried to devote the talent to the service of Christ, the accuser suggested that what I had written was deceptive, and bespoke a higher state of piety than my attainments would warrant.

Now, when so near the eternal world that the light of eternity beamed upon my mind, I was given to see every little act or circumstance of my life tremendously important. I beheld the minutiae of my existence gathered up into one mighty whole — acting upon the mass of mind on which I had been surrounded, and witnessed it spreading into wider, and yet wider circles; and then rolling down through the ages of time, until the final hour when the judgment should set, and the books be opened.

I had a faint hope of salvation through the Savior of sinners. But the idea of being barely saved, when an abundant entrance might have been ministered unto me, and of having done so little for Christ when there had been so much to do, was revolting to my feelings, and made heaven appear not so much a matter of anticipation as one would imagine. Often have I since felt that I would love to be a living epistle to the many who are willing to be barely saved. Doubtless many such will be just lost!

A striking illustration of what I would say was furnished in the case of a young lady, who began well. With much pain, I had noticed that she had ceased to be a cross-bearing Christian. I had through Christ begotten her in the gospel, and, with unutterable yearnings, I expostulated with her relative to the importance of endeavoring to be useful. She treated my importunity lightly, and said, "I think I shall do well if I but make out to save my own soul."

"God requires you should be useful, and has not left the matter optional with yourself, and if you aim only at saving your own soul, you will not only lose your precious soul, but will doubtless be influential, through your evil example as a professor, in influencing other spirits, which will be lost, and thus, instead of laying up treasure in heaven, you will be treasuring up wrath against the day of wrath."

She concluded that there were so many that seemed to get on without whole-heartedness in the cause, that she would risk the matter, and soon became a trifling, worldly-minded professor, and yet, with thousands like herself, seems to fancy herself on the way to heaven. O, what terrible disappointments will such meet with at last, when, after having been ferried by Vain-hope over the stream of Death, they come up to the gate of heaven, and say, Lord! Lord! open unto us.

I too might have been of the number, had not grace interposed. But now, in view of exchanging worlds, blissful hopes of immortality and eternal life open before me. To God be all the glory!

February 26. While I write, the remains of the beloved President Fisk are probably being borne to the house appointed for all living. At 10 o'clock this morning his friends assemble to take their last leave of his almost sainted form.


"To know him was to love."

In the early part of his Christian career he was enabled to discern the mark of the prize of his high calling, and became an earnest seeker after full salvation. He did not conceive the dignity of the ministry lowered by acknowledging, before a band of devoted brethren and sisters, his need of holiness as an essential qualification for his holy calling. Having enlisted the prayerful sympathies of a little chosen band, he bowed as an humble seeker after this pearl of great price. Had he been less importunate, and remained indefinite in his acknowledgments and petitions, he would probably never have been a witness of perfect love. In succeeding years, all his ministrations, and even his very person, seemed to exhibit the beauty of holiness. Could he now speak, he would doubtless refer to a little camp-meeting scene, where, secluded from the eye of the world, with a little company of disciples, he came out in definite acknowledgment, in pursuit of holiness, as the period when the foundation was laid, from whence emanated mainly his superior excellence.

Weariness of the flesh, and wakeful nights, have for some time past been appointed me. But God is my witness that I have not a wish apart from his will, -


"I will suffer, and fulfill
All my Savior's righteous will;
Be in all alike resign'd,
Jesus was a patient mind."

It is the will of my heavenly Father that patience should have its perfect work, so that I may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. And when he takes his own way to accomplish it, shall I not rejoice! Yes, blessed be the Lord, my strength, I will rejoice in tribulation! The trial of my faith is precious.

The spiritual world seems very near. On hearing of the departure of the beloved Fisk, my spirit seemed to follow his flight, and the idea of being permitted to greet him in the abodes of immortality, within perhaps a few short weeks, does not seem improbable. On hearing of his transition from earth to heaven, during the wakefulness of the succeeding night, my mind thus memorialized its imaginings in verse


Two spirits met;
One was dismantled, and was from the clime
Where dwell the just, who pass the bounds of time,
And earthly pangs forget;
"And know'st thou not," said he with joyous air,
(To one who had not pass'd earth's bounds of care,)
"That this is a high day?
And that our realms are ringing with delight?
For lo! an heir of heaven — a child of light,
Borne through the ethereal way,
Came to the joyous presence of our King,

And now through all our blissful realms doth ring,
A greeting welcome lay."

But ah! a pall that told of much despair,
Hung, curtain-like, around that child of care,
As weepingly he said,
"And know'st thou not, that earth doth deeply mourn?
That while thou joyest for a seraph born,
Earth mourns a champion dead?
He was a burning light, faith fed the blaze,
And though we gloried in the lucent rays,.
As from heaven's altar lent;
And knew from whence it came — from whence it burn'd:
And that it would be to its source return'd.
Yet its extinguishment
On earth we mourn: `tis thus that in one day
Ye sing a seraph born, and we a weeping lay."

Thus heaven hath sympathies,
Pure, constant, fresh-born — every moment new,
And earth hath fresh-born, ever-varying sorrows too,
And signal'd much as these:
But faith — strong, mighty faith, can plume the wing,
And mortals too, in seraph chorus sing
With those of heavenly birth;
For keen-eyed faith dismantles the disguise,
Which, speaks a want of one-like sympathies
Between sweet heaven and earth.

April 16. The birthday of my little S____. She has now been spared to us six years. have sometimes thought that our heavenly Father has taken special pains to teach us, that our little ones are not our own.

I shall never forget the feelings with which I received my dear S____ from the hand of the Lord. Two precious boys had previously been removed to the heavenly fold. The reason why they were taken had been written enduringly upon my heart. And now, on our little S____ being intrusted, the Holy Spirit was true to its work on my heart, in causing the memory of the past to come up vividly before me.

The duty of consecrating our children to God in the holy ordinance of baptism was clear to my mind; but the responsibility I should thereby bring upon myself, caused me from week to week to delay this act of consecration with our first-born; little adornments, requiring, as I feared, a useless expenditure of time and expense, were indulged in, and I waited to feel a perfect clearness relative to the fact that I really gave him up, body, as well as soul, to God.

With thousands of mothers, I had spent hours of precious time in embroidering his garments; hours, which, as they winged their report to eternity, had left traces of painful uncertainty upon my mind, that I might be wrong.

"If I give up this child in baptism, I virtually take upon myself the acknowledgment that he is the Lord's, and if the Lord's, should I adorn him thus.?" It was thus I reasoned, and (while lingering from week to week) God suddenly took our first-born to himself.

The pangs that followed were severe indeed; probably tenfold more so than if the matter of giving him up to God had been previously decided. I felt that he was taken away — not given up -torn from my embrace — not a free-will offering.

I did not forget the admonition entirely, and strange that a lesson so painful should not fully accomplish the purpose whereunto it was sent. But I had not yet experimentally apprehended the admonitions: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me: " "I the Lord your God am a jealous God."

When our heavenly Father intrusted us with another heir of immortality, I did not err precisely on the same ground, but I looked abroad on the manner in which I had been accustomed to make myself useful, beyond the immediate limits of my family, and, with an unwarrantable complacency of feeling, said in my heart, "Now that God has made up my loss, I will live for this one dear object — I will have done with those more extended expectations, and absorb my mind's energies in this beloved one." "I am fearful if the Lord should take that little one away, that you would not be willing to let it go," said my beloved husband, almost chidingly, on observing the inordinate absorption of my love. "I do not feel as if God would take him," I replied: "he has given him to replace the loss of the other." The idea of losing him no more entered into my contemplations than if it were impossible. He appeared perfectly healthy when these observations were made, but in about one short week his sweet spirit passed from earth, and we were again childless.

Dear S___ , whose sixth birthday I now commemorate, was the next we were permitted to embrace. I shall never forget the chastened feelings with which I first looked upon this beloved one. My heart seemed to be perfectly subdued, and I indeed received her as a precious loan. And now my beloved husband and myself are fully united in purpose, in endeavoring to bring her up for the Lord. We hear his word authoritatively saying to us, "Take this child, and nurse it for me!" Should an earthly potentate say, "Take this child, and nurse it for me," what vigilance would be necessary! How many observers to report the matter in every minutiae if unfaithful to the trust committed! But now that the King of kings — the Lord of lords — intrusts a candidate for an immortal crown! — now that an innumerable company of invisible intelligences — ay, greatly-interested and divinely-authorized agencies ("For their angels do always behold the face of my Father") are beholding us, O, with what circumspection should this heir of immortality be trained!

Little S has often evinced, most decisively, that the Holy Spirit measurably influences her heart. On an occasion about two years since, I left her after having seen her, as I supposed, quietly sinking to repose; the usual devotions of the evening had been performed, and I retired to another room. Some time afterward, I heard a subdued sobbing, and on going to her, to my astonishment, found that she had been weeping bitterly.

"O, ma," she exclaimed, "I want to pray !" On telling her how much the Savior loved little children, and that he had said," Suffer little children to come unto me," with great eagerness she caught the words ere I had finished, and rejoicingly, amid her tears, exclaimed, "And forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven !" After this, her mourning was ended, and gladness and love filled her soul. She seemed to feel satisfied that the Savior had received her.

For some time previous to this we had been much in prayer for the salvation of her soul, and had conversed with her on the nature and necessity of a change of heart: and though we may not pronounce decidedly on the extent of this work, we feel that we can rejoice most assuringly in the confidence, that the Savior is wooing her to the embrace of his love, enough to encourage us greatly for future effort in her behalf.

May 17. Since I last noted my experience, I have been permitted to prove the all-sufficiency of grace to sustain in view of immediate dissolution. On the third day after my illness commenced, I was again, as on a former occasion, when in similar circumstances, taken with the puerperal fever; added to which the spasmodic rheumatism set in. "Grace is sufficient to sustain under all circumstances," had been a favorite expression with me. And now I was called to test whether it was sufficient to sustain in agonizing pain, and in view of a speedy departure from earth.

For hours I was not able to breathe without the greatest difficulty. In broken accents I said to a beloved one who was standing over me, "I know whom I have believed!" Had I been able to speak volumes, it seemed to me as if they could not have spoken more comprehensively than this one short expression of confidence.

At this point, it was suggested, "If raising your hand would decide the point, whether for life or death, would you dare lift it? I felt that I would not, so fully was I assured that the Judge of all the earth would do right. "But are you not being cut off in the midst of your days and usefulness ?" was suggested. "I commit this with my other interests into the hands of the Lord. I have often asked, sooner than to be permitted to live, and dishonor in any way the profession I have made, of entire devotedness, the work might be cut short in righteousness and I taken home to heaven; and my heavenly Father may see me about to be overtaken by some extraordinary trial, in which my faith might fail, and in his tender love he may now be taking me from the evil to come," I replied. I looked upon the many ties calculated to bind me to earth — upon the one next to God nearest my heart — my precious little ones, and the many beloved friends who would love to detain me, and thought of a misanthropic expression of infidelity, "that it is but little to die, when one has nothing to live for; " and my heart exclaimed, "Thanks be to God who giveth me the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." For notwithstanding my nature was far from being insensible to the many endearments which would have invited a longer stay on earth, I still felt if worlds were offered as an inducement to decide the point, whether to live or die, I would not dare choose. My whole soul in humble acquiescence said, " Good is the will of the Lord !"

While thus for hours lingering between life and death, so indescribably important did holiness appear, that I thought if abiding in the flesh to labor for God till a pilgrimage of threescore years were accomplished, and the whole amount of service during that lengthened detainment from the joys of the upper world, should only result in inducing one worldly-minded professor to be whole-hearted in the service of Christ, I should be richly repaid.

Previous to my severe illness, in my endeavors to grasp an object of faith definitely, I had frequently been subjected to such severe mental effort, that my nature had often been much wearied in the exercise. Sometimes I had been left to contend, to what seemed to be the last point of endurance, and then


"When my all of strength has fail'd, I have with the God-man prevail'd,"

by just getting hold (as Fletcher says) of the last link of the chain, " He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him." "When your physical frame becomes enfeebled by disease, and your mental capacities become enervated, in sympathy with your physical frame, then you will be unable to withstand, and you may expect great perplexities," said the accuser. This temptation had led me to pray much, prior to my illness, for grace to sustain, in such a manner that God might in the highest degree be glorified, should I become thus enfeebled; and lo! instead of being withstood by the evil one, I had peace within all my borders, and seemed to have little more to do with the powers of darkness, than if I had been already translated from earth to heaven.

After remaining several hours in a very critical state, it was urged upon my mind, "All are yours, whether life or death: " "Ask what you will, and it shall be done unto you: " — it will be according to the will of God. For a short time I partially resisted the influence from the consideration that nature clings to life. It was not without trying the Spirit, with most careful vigilance, by "the law and the testimony," that I yielded to its influence. I thought of that state where, after millions on millions of ages have passed, my felicities would be but begun, and of the thousands of unholy professors, unprepared for its beatitudes, and yet, almost unconscious of their unpreparedness, and unalarmed about their unfitness; and I felt that I could forego the felicities of heaven for many long years of sojourning below, if I could in any way be helpful toward arousing one of this description to the importance of holiness as a necessary qualification for heaven, and could wish to live if it were for this only, if fully assured it were according to the will of God.

"Ask what you will, and it will be according to the will of God," was again urged. And then there was one to whom I had been united in the Lord. I thought of his peculiar temperament, and the manner in which we had been permitted to be helpful to each other, and his loneliness amid the buffetings of the world, and of our little ones who were to be trained for immortality, and again said, "If I knew it were according to the will of God, I could ask life for their sake, and again it was repeated yet more impressively, "Ask what you will — all are yours — choose either life or death, and it will be according to the will of God."

I dared not resist longer: and said, "O Lord, I am thine! I live but to glorify thee; renewedly I commit my whole being into thy hands — body, soul, and spirit, time, talents, and influence, I again, in most entire surrender, consecrate to thee. If it be but to glorify thee, let me live! but if thou seest me at any time about to dishonor the cause of holiness, by ceasing to be wholly devoted to thy service, cut short the work in righteousness, and take me home to thyself." At once I felt that I should recover. All the alarming symptoms were with amazing rapidity removed, and for some time past I have been permitted to go in and out before my family, and to enjoy the services of the sanctuary.

And now, with all my heart, do I praise my covenant-keeping God for the lengthened trial through which I have passed. I used to say that "grace is sufficient to sustain under all circumstances," because I knew it. Now I can say, it is sufficient to sustain fully, and even in a joyous state of mind amid agonizing pain, and also in full view of the "king of terrors." Glory be to God in the highest, and let everything that hath breath praise the Lord!

June 21. On Wednesday evening I attended the anniversary of the Juvenile Missionary Society. Many humorsome tales were told by one of the speakers, illustrative of the spirit prevailing in the west in behalf of missions. By the merriment induced, I could not but question the expediency of provoking so much lightness. Yet the Lord condescended to cause the trial to work together for my good.

It was stated that on account of the scarcity of money at the west, one presented a young colt, which was kept with much care, until suitable for missionary service. A pious man, having nothing at his own disposal but his person, offered himself upon inquiry, he was found a suitable person, and in due time, both the horse, with the man who had offered himself as the rider, were off on missionary ground. Another presented the produce of a specified piece of ground, and with much care cultivated it. At the close of the season, he was able to make an offering by no means small for the cause of missions. Another offered a small pig, and the humorsome details were given as to the care with which it was nourished, and the deep interest of the community about "the missionary pig."

Considering the extreme lightness occasioned, I felt that the matter was indeed exceedingly dubious; yet I knew my heavenly Father could overrule it for my good, and I was enabled to claim the assurance that it should be so. I began to ask, What more can I devote to the cause of God? I felt that my person and property, my all, were already his, and with a longing desire to know, I earnestly inquired of God whether there was anything within my reach that might be specially set apart for his service. Most unexpectedly, an object before unthought of was presented with vividness to my mind. "There is that little daughter lately intrusted to your keeping; are you willing to set her apart in a special manner for this cause, or any other self-denying duties to which God may appoint her?" I was startled, and a train of reflections followed, which can never be forgotten. I saw the responsibilities of a perpetual vow to train her with an exclusive view to usefulness in the vineyard of the Lord as indeed important. For a moment I was tempted to leave the matter in indefiniteness, but I remembered that I had asked the Lord to direct my mind, and now that he had pointed to the object, I felt that I would not withhold her, and with a solemnity of spirit, never to be forgotten, I laid the sacrifice upon the altar.

After I had made the offering, a realization of its acceptance was given, and, in view of the exceeding propriety of the act, I rejoiced that my heavenly Father had moved me to it.

"But will you train one with a special view to the self-denying service of God, and not take similar obligations upon yourself relative to the other?" said the Holy Spirit, appealingly. And now in reference to the elder and only remaining child, I am sure the Lord helped me to count the cost. I never before discovered, so clearly, the difference between training a child up for the world, or with a special view to the self-sacrificing service of Christ; but after weighing it in its proper bearings, I, through grace, made the surrender, and felt that the offering was accepted.

The next morning I said to the elder of the two, "S____, I was at a missionary meeting last night, and heard several good — true stories." She sat down, deeply interested, and I began to relate, circumstantially, the story about the horse and his rider, the ground, &c. She was interested, even beyond my expectation. After I had finished the recital, I said, in a manner calculated to excite her curiosity, — "Ma gave something too; what do you think it was, my daughter?"

"Why, your heart !"

"Yes, I gave my heart; but I gave that a long time since, and I keep giving — giving it all the time; but I also gave something else, and what do you think it could have been?" I desired to raise her curiosity to the highest point, and the Lord favored my effort.

She began to enumerate everything she could imagine, and then gave up in discouragement, and said, "I cannot tell; please, ma, do tell me?"

I paused, and, in an impressive manner, said, "Why, I gave you and your little sister." Her color changed, and, in consternation, she exclaimed, — "Why, ma?"

I felt that the Lord was peculiarly owning my effort; and I can hardly describe my emotions of praise, wonder, and love. I continued to say, "Yes, my daughter, I gave you and your little sister to the Lord; and now, perhaps, he will let me keep you a little while, to bring you up for him. I must not permit you to do anything but what the Lord would love to have you do. And now I do not mean to have you learn anything but just what I think the Lord would love to have you learn. When I dress you, I mean to think whether the Lord would love to have my daughter wear such things; and in everything I do for you, I must do it in view of bringing you up for God. You must ever remember that you belong to him, and never do anything but what you think he would love to have you do.

The Holy Spirit directed the effort, and her young heart apprehends, in a manner beyond her former conception, the truth that she, in reality, belongs to God. Since, when reproof has been necessary, I have said, "S____ , I think the Lord would not love to have you do thus or so," and it has been sufficient. And never before have I so deeply realized my responsibility as a mother.

July 4. What a scene have I this day witnessed! At eleven o'clock this morning I went with the intention of staying but a short season, to mingle in the joyousness of a Sunday-school celebration on Staten Island. Returning home this afternoon, an immense crowd being on the boat, the upper deck gave, way, and crushed the multitude below. Two were killed instantly, and many were wounded. My husband had taken his carriage, and on account of the boat being so much crowded, we retained our seat in it, otherwise we would probably have been crushed with the multitude. As my husband passed amid the sufferers, endeavoring to administer relief, he heard one calling upon Jesus to come and take him unto himself.

"And do you feel that you have made your peace with God?" said my husband. "Yes, glory be to God," he replied, and continued to praise the Lord, with joyful lips, amid excruciating agonies. He appeared to be in dying circumstances. Who, in witnessing such a triumph of grace, could but feel that the religion of the Bible is beyond all price? Near him was a Jew, who also apparently had been fatally injured: such a countenance I hope never to look upon again. It has followed me ever since. His horrified and agonized look seemed to say to the heart of every beholder, that he was "without God or Christ in the world." It was by the special providence alluded to we were preserved. To God be all the glory!


"Be all my added life employ'd Thine image in my soul to see."

July 27. Last evening was the anniversary of the most memorable period in my existence. I would ever memorialize the return of this eve, with special thanksgiving, as the eventful period when I was permitted, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, to cast anchor within the veil; since which I can testify that I have enjoyed deeper and more soul-transforming communion with God than I ever before had any conception of. I feel that I am indeed permitted, through the infinite merits of my Savior, to abide as in the inner sanctuary of the divine presence. Since the memorable hour in which I gave myself wholly away to Christ, he has kept me so fully, that I have not once been permitted to cast away my confidence. My soul rests consciously, and with an inexpressible degree of assurance, upon the immutable word.


"Through unbelief I stagger not."

Praise the Lord, it is not in vain that I have trusted in Jesus! He not only saves me from sin, but he permits me to rely upon him as my wisdom. Never, in former experience, did I so deeply and habitually realize my utter destitution of every good thing out of Christ, but in Christ I feel that I have all things. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." How I used to shrink from the cross! Now I feel that I can even glory in bearing it after my divine Master. In former experience, I used to shrink from the knowledge of duty. Now I love to get very near to Jesus -under the direct rays of the Sun of righteousness, in order to discern duty clearly. When duty calls, or my heavenly Father says, "Who will go?" my heart quickly responds, "Here am I, send me!" O what a transformation hath grace made! "From this time it shall be said, What hath God wrought?"

August. During several days past, I have had great trials, and also great victories. Part of last week and the week before I spent at the grove, the most of my little family being with me. During the early part of the time, I was tempted that there was so much heartlessness in my exercises, that they were unprofitable to others, and but little benefit to myself. But when duty called, as it frequently did, I dared not resist, fearful it might be said, to the dishonor of the cause of holiness. "What do ye more than others?"

The enemy did not suggest that God had never called me to activity in the service of Christ, but he often tauntingly said, "Is not this want of liberty an assurance that you are not called to it now?" This continued till Sabbath evening. We then had an experience meeting in one of the large tents. I had been instrumental in getting the meeting together, and as I entered the tent it was suggested, "You surely will not be required to say much to-night, or the friends may think you convened the meeting for that purpose."

I was not at the moment aware that it was temptation, and thought the suggestion plausible. But though there were many dear friends present, yet there was a great want of ready witnesses for Jesus in the early part of the meeting. Notwithstanding the temptation, I dared not do otherwise than break in upon a pause which ensued, after the opening of the meeting. But I seemed not to have divine assistance. The powerful temptations which succeeded, for about an hour, baffle description. "Had not your previous exercises been sufficient to assure you that God is going to lay you by, in order to know whether you are willing to be useless?" was now urged.

To settle down in inactivity, when not disabled from mental or physical causes, could not, in my mind, be reconciled with the will of God. I could see nothing in the word of God that required I should be willing to be useless, but much that demanded activity. How to exemplify to the eye of beholders obedience to the demands, "Be ye steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord " — "instant in season, and out of season " — "lay up treasure in heaven," &c., and abide in inactivity, were questions which I could not resolve into the will of God. "It were better to be silent than to dishonor the cause, as you have done this evening," said the tempter. My mouth might have been closed, but my resolution was fixed, rather to die in the conflict, than that the enemy should have even a partial triumph. It was doubtless the Holy Spirit that urged upon my mind to ask, if I had not really dishonored the cause by speaking, that the brother in charge might be induced to call upon me to pray at the close of the meeting. I had hardly made the request, before our venerable father Smith said, "Sister_____ will now close the meeting with prayer." The snare was broken, and glorious liberty succeeded.

"Did you ever hear me attempt to speak when there was such a manifest want of liberty, as at the commencement of this meeting?' said I to a devoted friend at the close of the exercises. She looked astonished, and said "Why never in my life have I heard you speak with greater liberty!" As I had been similarly influenced relative to the exercises during several preceding days, I began to conceive that it might all have been temptation, and I said to my beloved sister S_____, "You may have noticed the restraint I have been laboring under for days, which has induced me to limit my labor to positive exigencies, and this only because I have not dared to refuse!"

"My own mind has been in the same state precisely," said she, and the want of liberty I had felt in exercising, disposed me to feel like throwing the labor on you, from the idea that you had more than usual liberty. Sister S_____ in saying what she did, relative to me, had fully described my views relative to her, and now the temptation with both was broken. During the remainder of our stay on the encampment, I was blessed with greater liberty of spirit than I had ever before enjoyed. I was given to feel that it was indeed high honor conferred on mortals, to be permitted to say one word in honor of Christ, or to do anything, however small, calculated to advance the interests of the Redeemer's kingdom.

The concerns of my little family demanded much of my attention; but whenever a few moments for social worship could be obtained, I was enabled to be in the Spirit, and though much exposed to care, my Savior saved me from it. Praise his name!

Sabbath evening, June 29, 18__ Memorable period! I am at a loss for language wherewith to record the abundant joy of my heart. On the evening of this date, my beloved S____, received clear witness of adoption into the family of Christ.

For some time past she has manifested increasing interest in spiritual things. She has also been more successful in governing her disposition, which is naturally very resolute. When, at times, it has gained the ascendency, and I have endeavored to show her how unlovely and sinful the indulgence of wrong tempers is in the sight of God, she has wept and prayed for forgiveness, and earnestly asked for a heart which would incline her to everything lovely and pure in the sight of God and man.

On Sabbath evening, previous to going with her to her room, I had an unusually sweet season in waiting before the Lord. It was necessary I should remain at home, but I had not settled in my contemplations the manner of spending the evening. In seeking for direction, I asked that the Lord would so take the lead of my mind, and all connecting circumstances, that the evening might be remembered in time, and eternity, as one of the most important in my Christian history.

I shall never forget the request, for it required such a struggle of faith to claim the assurance that I had the petition I had desired of God. Satan withstood with the suggestion, that there was no reasonable foundation for the fulfillment of such an expectation. Human probabilities were all against the indulgence of the idea of anything unusual, and why should I imagine that God would condescend to go out of his ordinary way of working, when there was nothing in the intimation of existing circumstances to warrant such an expectation? But the Holy Spirit said, "All things are possible with God, and all things are possible to him that believeth." With this I was strengthened to claim the assurance that the desire of my heart should be granted. But I did not receive at the time the least intimation of the manner in which God would prove his faithfulness.

Soon afterward, I accompanied my daughter to her room, and before assisting her to undress, I read to her an interesting account of little Mary P. Clark, from the Christian Advocate and Journal. She was much affected and exclaimed, -

"What a sweet good child she must have been!"

"Mary must have had a new heart, or she could not have been such a sweet good child," I observed. "And you may be sure, dear S____, that the Lord is just as willing to give you a new heart as he was to bestow such a precious gift upon Mary.

"O! I wish I had it! O, I want it now!" she exclaimed with increasing emotion.

"Well, your heavenly Father wants to give it to you now, my dear daughter. He says, `Ask and you shall receive.' `Come unto me;' and he wants you to come unto him now. He is saying to you this moment, `Try me, and prove me.' Now, try the Lord, and prove him. See if he will not give you a new heart. That heart of yours already belongs to God, and now as he requires it of you, will he not take it? He just now says, `Give me thy heart.' You well know how it would be, should you ask your mother for anything which she knew to be for your good. Would she not give it to you ? And now how much more willing is your heavenly Father to give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? He knows you need a new heart, and he only waits for you to come to him, and ask, and you shall receive.

"We will now kneel, and ask that God will receive you, and while you give yourself away to him, we will beseech him to give you a new heart."

With looks expressive of unutterable desire she assented, and we knelt together. I endeavored to be mouth for her in confessing her need of a Savior, and in earnest supplication for pardon and adoption. Her fervent responses spoke assuringly to my heart, as, in verity, the language of her overburdened spirit. I felt, most consciously, that I beheld in her experience the significant expression verified, "The Spirit maketh intercession with groanings unutterable." The great deep of her heart seemed broken up, and the violence of her grief was so great, that I was fearful the excitement might prevent that calm, decisive action of faith, by which the soul throws itself on the mercy of God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Yet, notwithstanding this, I felt so desirous that every step should be distinctly marked with the most incontestable evidence of the Holy Spirit's leadings, both for the establishment of my own faith, and the permanency of hers, that I resolved, though my nature shrank from being instrumental in probing her wounded spirit more deeply, to continue my efforts yet a little longer in endeavoring to discover to her a more thorough knowledge of her need of a Savior.

We had risen from prayer, and I said, "Did you ever think, dear S____, that all the sins you ever committed were written down in the book of the Lord ?" I then told her of a youthful relative, who, a few moments previous to his death, repeated the hymn


Almighty God! thy piercing eye
Strikes through the shades of night,
And our most secret actions lie
All open to thy sight.

There's not a sin which we commit,
Or wicked word we say,
But in that dreadful book is writ,
Against the judgment day.

And must the sins which I have done
Be read and published there?
Be all exposed before the Son,
While men and angels hear?

Lord, at thy feet ashamed I lie;
Upward I dare not look;

Pardon my sins before I die,
And blot them from thy book.

The effect produced on her mind while repeating these lines I can never forget. The Lord was eminently present, and spoke, through the medium of the words, to her inmost heart. As I progressed, her emotions were increasingly demonstrative of the fact, that she felt herself standing, as a condemned criminal, before God. And when I came to the last stanza, the language of her quivering spirit seemed to say, "Spare, I can bear no more."

Never before, for other than my own soul, had I felt such a weight of responsibility. It was in part induced from the conviction that it was the design of my heavenly Father, that the conversion of my dear child might depend, instrumentally, upon the strength of my faith. The unutterable solicitude educed from this conviction, influenced me to pause, in prayerful suspense, before the Lord. Her spirit seemed almost overwhelmed; and O, with what longing of soul did I wait for heavenly direction!

She knelt for the performance of her evening's devotion, during the continuance of this waiting suspense with myself. Her unusual fervor and tone of voice seemed to say, that she was quite unconscious of the presence of any one besides the God whom she supplicated. After continuing much longer than usual in prayer, she arose, and was prepared for the repose of the night. But her fervor of spirit had not in the least abated. As she threw herself on the bed, she expressed her unwillingness to give up by saying, imploringly, "O! ma, keep talking to me."

I laid myself down beside her. O, the unutterable interest of that hour! I felt that her inmost soul was inexpressibly athirst for salvation. The conviction, with increasing certainty, possessed my heart, that she was about to be born of the Spirit. And who but a parent, similarly situated, could imagine feelings of like interest? That our child should thus, in her infant days, be born of the Spirit and adopted into the family of Christ! the honor seemed too great, and to grasp it seemed to require the exercise of a faith correspondingly greater.

It was but a short time before she was again in the attitude of a suppliant beside the bed. With my eye fixed upon Jesus, and my heart continually pleading the promise, "I will instruct thee," I endeavored to direct this precious lamb to the fold of Christ, by showing her the simplicity of the way of faith, while my own soul was every moment gathering increasing strength.

Soon afterward I said, "My daughter, I will pray silently, and you may also continue asking the Lord, and, O! I am sure he will give you a new heart." How sweet was the assurance to my soul, that the Holy Spirit would take of the things of God, and reveal them even unto babes. The sentiment, "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord," never more thoroughly penetrated my heart. There was one point in my travail of soul for her, where my faith most consciously laid hold. It was while saying, "She is already thine; " and now, by the remembrance of that hour, when she was most solemnly given away in covenant to thee, and thou didst condescend to assure my heart so fully of thine acceptance of the offering, let her case come up in remembrance before thee. Thus far she is already thine — numbered with thy covenant people; and now wilt thou not give her to feel most assuredly that she is taken into covenant relation with thee? May her young heart know that thou dost accept and seal her thine.

It was while thus pleading that my faith most distinctly laid hold. I pause here; for here is the burden of my heart in the recordings of this hour. God is a covenant-keeping God. His name is JEHOVAH. And by this name would he now be known and glorified in his covenant people, and their seed after them. A solemn, unfathomed responsibility rests upon God's chosen ones relative to their children. Of this I had never been so fully aware, until passing through the exercises here given.

She is already thine! Here was the point where my faith, with an unyielding grasp, laid hold. It was here my bounding spirit could say,


"My prayer hath power with God; the grace Unspeakable I now receive."

So sure was I now that what I had asked was according to the will of God, and that I had the petition I had desired of him, that I continued a moment longer, praising God for the answer, though my heart assured me that my dear child was longing for me to rise in order to communicate her joy.

As I arose, she exclaimed, with thrilling emotion, "O, ma, I feel as if I had a new heart! O, I think I have! I am almost sure! O, I am sure! Yes, I am sure !" She then began praising the Lord, with expressions altogether beyond her former capacity. I could not but regard her singularly mature expressions, so beyond her former self, as a development of renewed mental powers. A new nature had been given, and my condescending heavenly Father permitted me to have such conclusive testimony that my heart may ever say, relative to her change, -


"Meridian evidence puts doubt to flight."

"O, praise the Lord!" was for some time the language of every breath. "How truly the heaven-inspired language of the new-born spirit!" thought I, as I listened to one but little over six years of age, who was unaccustomed to mingle with those similarly exercised with herself.

From one expression I had reason to conclude that her mind had some time previously been exercised relative to this change. It was this: "O ma, how much I have of late thought of those words you published a long time ago!" "What were they, my daughter?" She quickly, and with much emphasis, replied, —


"'Give me thy heart!' we hear Him say;
Lord, we thy mandate will obey,
We come to tread the narrow way,
To be thy faithful followers."

She then began to sing in sweet, and, I think, as lovely strains as ever I heard, to the tune of Old Hundred, the Doxology, -

"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow, Praise him, all creatures here below; Praise him above, ye heavenly host, Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost."

I accompanied her voice, with a heart bounding with unutterable joy. It really seemed to me that it was not in unmeaning, or unanswered invocation, that she had called upon the heavenly host to assist in ascribing praise to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. After she had ceased hymning the words, she returned, and, in solemn measure, said, "Yes!


"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow,
Praise him, all creatures here below.

Yes, everybody ought to praise him!" She paused, and then said, "O! I feel as if I wanted to tell everybody. O! I could tell a stranger. Everybody ought to love the Savior. I love him with my whole heart. O, how happy I am!"

We then united in singing portions of several hymns ascriptive of .praise, in which she chose both the words and tunes, bearing me onward in heart and voice, though seemingly unconscious to herself, on the tide of her joy. She had commenced, and we had together sung,


"My Father, God! I feel, I feel thy love," &c.

As we sung, she emphasized the words most expressive of the language of her heart, and then said, "O, ma, there is one verse of that hymn so sweet to me now!" I repeated the first lines of the second stanza, inquiringly.

"That is not it.!' I then repeated the remaining lines


"To hear him whisper, Thou art mine,
And all in me, my child, is thine,'
O! these are triumphs all divine."

"That is it! O, what triumphs!" she exclaimed.

She had never been a child in whom abundant precocity of sentiment had been manifested, as is in some rare cases, and I desire not to account for this maturity of experience and sentiment on any other ground than that of the Holy Spirit's gracious dictations; and my spirit was sweetly and fully satisfied, and cried out, "It is enough!" "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings, Thou hast ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the avenger." The genuineness of the work was so apparent that the enemy was silenced, and no room left for future misgivings.

Her dear father was absent. But she was so desirous to communicate the joy of her newborn spirit to him, that I sent for him. My heart and eyes fill at the recollection of the scene when this happy father was permitted to clasp to his heart his rejoicing daughter — his newborn child. The remembrance of the day of her birth into the natural world bears but little comparison.

To witness the answer to what had been the increasing desire of his heart from the earliest existence of his child, O! this was happiness not to be described.

I thought well to explain to her how she might retain the blessing, and said, "Now, it was by giving your heart away to God that you received a new heart; and the only way to keep it is to keep giving." She caught the words from my lips, and said, "Yes, keep giving it, giving it all the time."

About two hours had passed, and she again laid down for repose. I placed the light in a convenient position and laid down beside her, with the blessed Bible in my hand, and began turning over the leaves with the intention of selecting portions suited to her state. "What are you looking for, dear ma?" "For something good," I responded. "O!" said she, "it is all good." While I read, the word of the Lord seemed to be sweet indeed to her taste.

After reading for some time, and she had ceased to respond, I supposed she had fallen asleep, and ceased reading aloud "We love Him because he first loved us." She started up, and, with much interest, in "Why do you not read on, dear ma?"

"Because I thought you had fallen asleep, or was sleepy." "O," said she, with much emphasis, "We love Him because he first loved us! We did not love him, but he loved us!"

It is now the third day since her change, and she still gives blessed evidence of its reality. She has always been very precious to us; but now, a new and yet more endearing tie binds her more closely to our hearts. Allelujah! The Lord God omnipotent reigneth!